Zzzzzz.........

So tired. Must sleep. Oh, wait. I think I forgot how.

Boy, oh boy!

It's a boy! Ethan James or Ethan Clayton will be the name. James and Clayton are both after my grandfather.

In just a few hours we are going to find out the sex of the baby. I'm so excited. We can start painting the bedroom if it's a boy. If it's a girl I'm going to wait and be sure. We have a definite first name picked out if it's a boy. Two possibilities if for the middle name. If it's a girl, then we do have the first name picked, but we can't agree on the middle name. It's going to be a good, southern, double name. I'll report back later!

Prayers for my grandfather.

My grandfather is very ill right now. No one thinks he will recover at this point. It's been a long uphill battle. He's lost two wives and since he lost his last wife 4 years ago his health has been failing slowly. He's had so many surgeries on his stomach that I have literally just lost count. Each time it's for the same thing. His scars are worse than my C-section scar and his scars go from his chest down to his lower stomach. I'm 26 years old and I can never imagine being able to endure the surgeries that he's had over and over again. What makes me angry is JUST NOW--as of yesterday--a G.I. doctor got involved. I assumed all along he had a GI doctor, but he hasn't. He's had a surgeon. The same surgeon each time who has ordered these surgeries.

Yesterday he started having major issues. Sparing all details, it led to him losing blood in major orifices of his body today. So much blood that they were giving him a transfusion as of ten minutes ago. They finally figured out that he has a bleeding ulcer. Even his favorite nurse was upset over the ordeal my grandfather went through today. Could someone please explain to me why a GI doctor never got involved before now? I'm really upset about this. Maybe he could have been spared all this trauma to his body if one had been around sooner.

On top of this, my grandfather is dealing with serious issues with my uncle--his son. That reality show I mentioned? Well, that was the TV show "Intervention" I was mentioning. My uncle has serious mental issues and he is basically estranged from everyone in the family but my grandfather and my mother, only because they have to deal with him. I haven't spoken to my uncle civilly in over a year. Just the tip of the iceberg of his problems: Recently,within the last month, he went to the hospital 7 times in 2 weeks because of self-mutilation in order to get prescription drugs.("Accidentally" shot himself in his foot, "attempted" suicide, cut his hand, thought he was coming down with pneumonia, ect, ect.) Right after his last hospital visit he had two teeth pulled, then pulled out the stitches so that they would get infected and he could get more drugs. He's highly addicted. He's stolen drugs from every member of our family including me. He's wiped my grandfather's checking and saving accounts clean. He's even stolen drugs from my grandfather. Who needs them.
It's breaking my grandfather's heart and it's helping kill him. He's so heartbroken that he cries almost everyday about it.

All anyone can do at this point is pray. More than anything I just want peace for my grandfather. Whatever that means. My mom has been living at the hospital with him and dealing with it all by herself. We don't ever think he will be well enough to return to his assisted living home in Clinton. He already has a temporary room at a nursing home. It may become permanent.

This should prove my eating habits of lately: I ate a yummy, chocolatey, homemade brownie for breakfast. With chocolate chips and nuts. And a glass of milk. All my HEALTHIER ways of eating have TEMPORARILY been flushed down the toilet.

Okay, I'm getting really excited about the rumors I hear of a possible reunion of NKOTB. Mental note: Watch "Today" in the morning to hear the group themselves address these rumors. If they are reuniting I'm going for the first pair of tickets I can find. I don't even care WHERE.

Doctor's Orders!

I went for my monthly prenatal checkup this morning. The verdict is in: I am officially NOT gaining weight. Actually, I'm losing it. Weight that is. I cannot explain why. My appetite came back a couple of weeks ago and I have been eating with a healthy appetite. As a matter of fact I find myself having to eat a snack every 3 hours or so or else I start getting queasy and shaky. But, since nothing has seemed to be packing on the pounds, my doctor told me to drink a milkshake or an Ensure every night until I start gaining sufficient weight. My belly measures exactly as it should at this point, so obviously this baby is growing. I guess most people would be excited if their doctor ordered them to have a milkshake everyday. I must admit, I'm not. I just remember my postnatal body after Brennan. And how hard it was to get rid of the 40+ pounds I put on. And it's only harder to lose weight after a second child and a second C-section. But regardless, I'm still eating. And eating. Although I did tell my doctor that I got into this nasty little habit of counting calories throughout the day while I was training for the marathon, and I find myself still doing that. Although mentally I know I should add about 300 calories from my normal intake, I find myself eating my normal amount of calories. She told me to break that habit. That's going to be a hard thing to do. But, there is no cause for concern. At least that's what I tried to tell my doctor. She wants proof the next time I come back that I have done what she's asked me to. She wants me to put on a minimum of 4 pounds by next visit. That's a pound a week! I thought I was supposed to do that at the end of my pregnancy. Oh well, Bops, here I come. Have those mixers ready!

Hopefully on Friday we will find out the sex of the baby. My mother-in-law works at Hinds Cardiology and I am supposed to go by at lunch on Friday for the ultrasound tech to do an ultrasound. That's how we determined Brennan's sex. I'm only 16 weeks, and my doctor won't do another ultrasound until 20 weeks. If they say on Friday that it is a girl, then I will wait until my 20 week visit to confirm that before I start painting the bedroom and buying pink.