My Mississippi

Only in Mississippi can you go from wearing your favorite short-sleeved Margaritaville Jimmy Buffett shirt, to being under a winter weather advisory in LESS than 24 hours. Gotta love it, right?

Deliciousness...

I KNEW Facebook would end up getting me in trouble. I knew it! Thanks to my dear, sweet friend-- we'll just call her "Laura Marler" for safety reasons, I have discovered "Foodies". It's the fabulous cafe/market in Deville Plaza in Northeast Jackson.

Anyone familiar with the "Iron Horse Bar and Grill" (can I get some hands in the air, waving like you just don't care?) knows what kind of good food, good times I'm talking about. Thanks to my dear friend (again, we'll just call her "LAURA") I just made my husband spend a fortune on salsa and chips from "Foodies". What does that have to do with "Iron Horse" you ask? Let me tell you: Same people, same food, same deliciousness.

So, now I have a new, expensive addiction. I can't part with my money when it comes to shoes, purses, or clothes, but give me good food, good times, I can kiss it all good-by.

The first bite of that homemade tortilla deliciousness brought me back to the memories. Iron horse is where I requested every birthday be spent, and every date to take me. I remember my first visit. My dad told me it was a former slaughterhouse for cows. You could even see the huge hooks hanging from the ceiling. Freaked me out. But then, I took one bite of that food and I was a sucker. I even climbed atop the King Edward across the street while friends (and my future husband--which he didn't know at the time he was destined to be so lucky) cheered me on and called me crazy from the back porch of the Iron Horse. (No, I was NOT alone, NOR does my mother know about this little adventure to this day.) Good times, good times.

But most importantly, I have an excuse NOT to cook from this point forward. Thanks, "Laura", I owe you!

Small news...

I noticed today that Ethan has cut his first tooth. Now I will have some fun feeding times to look forward to. Brennan was 10 months before his first tooth grew in. I wondered if the child was ever going to have a tooth in his head.

Meanwhile, in more important current events, please keep praying for the Hall family. They have started chemo this week. I can't imagine what they are going through and what a long road little Xavian has ahead of him. They have been heavy on my heart and mind. Fortunately they are continuing to get a lot of support and there are literally hundreds of people praying for them.

My five- month -old has recently become acquainted with the fascination of blowing spit bubbles. He does it solely to amuse himself. Oh, how simple life is through the eyes of the young.

A quiz about my husband....

I don't have to get Chad to "grade" this. I already know these answers without him checking. :-)

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Football, 24, or a movie on TBS, USA, or Cinemax.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Ranch. ALWAYS.

3. What's one food he doesn't like? Broccoli

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order? He doesn't. Sweet tea is the only drink he orders.

5. Where did he go to high school? Hillcrest Christian

6. What size shoe does he wear? 9 1/2

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Money.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? He doesn't like sandwiches. The occasional ham or pb&j made by his loving wife.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could? Meat and potatoes

10. What is his favorite cereal? He hates cereal. My life would be simpler if he DID like cereal.

11. What would he never wear? Anything seersucker or plaid.

12. What is his favorite sports team? Ole Miss rebels, Colts and Giants.

13. Who did he vote for? Mccain

14. Who is his best friend? Me. Duh.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? Nag.

16. What is his heritage? Uh. Caucasian? American?

17. You make him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Strawberry.

18. Did he play sports in high school? No. Band nerd.

19. What could he spend hours doing? Sitting on the beach.

20. What is one unique talent he has? He's patient. Too patient. I consider that a talent any day.

Christmas is over!

Could someone please tell my Rankin County neighbors that Christmas is over? I mean, really. It's over. Somehow I find it a little insulting that there are still remnants of Baby Jesus and the stable scattered about the yard. Along with what looks to be piles of inflatable Santa Clauses and the Holy star on a flag pole. But to top it off, it looks like they've now brought out what looks as if it is going to be a gigantic, yellow, inflatable Easter egg. I know we should celebrate Jesus and his birth all year long, but come on, it's time to put it up. If you're going to be selling puppies from a homemade cage made of chicken wire in the midst of it all, it's time. Let it go, people. Let. It. Go. (No, these are not neighbors on my street...it's worse. They are on Main Street. Downtown. Stop the madness.)

Life and advice...

When did I come to the point in life that my worries are now more than what I'm having for dinner tonight? Or when am I going to study for that test next next? When did my worries become more than who I'm going out with this weekend? It happened when I became a parent.

I was struggling really hard this morning. Actually, I've been struggling the past few days. I started questioning God and His infinite wisdom. I started wondering why God allows things to happen in life to people who don't deserve things, when there is so much unpunished evil in this world. I've lost sleep the past several nights struggling with my thoughts and being angry at God. I could not, for any reason, figure out why God does the things He does, and leaves a trail of heartache behind. I tried consulting God in prayer, and I even tried finding a verse of comfort in my Bible. Nothing would give me peace.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful childhood friend who God has blessed with words of wisdom and comfort. It's her gift. She's not in the ministry, but she definitely should be. She's probably one of the most wise earthly people I've known. I knew that God could speak through her to me. That may sound a little far fetched to some, but just as God speaks through ministers and others, my friend has this gift. I consulted with her on that wonderful new "necessity" of life called Facebook. Just as I logged in this morning she had just received the message I sent her earlier. We I.M'ed each other and, just as I thought, I received some comfort over my thoughts after I consulted with her.

But, after I "talked" to my friend it amazed me at how much our conversations have changed since we were growing up. There were so many days we would sit on the front porch swing on lazy summer days and talk about boys, and who we thought was cute. We would talk about fashion on the cover of her mom's latest "Cosmopolitan" magazine. Our biggest worries were trying to get our parents to take us to the mall. Or trying to beat that cursed video game. Or what swimsuit we would wear to the water park on Friday. Now the conversations I have with friends are worrying over our children. Worrying about our babies and trying to protect them from all that is wrong in this world. And then we have things that happen that we can't protect them from. We worry about those things that are bigger than us. We all know it could happen to us. It's always in the back of our minds. When we become parents we lose any and all peace of mind. We worry when our kids are small, and we will worry when they grow and start trying to be accepted. We will worry when they get their drivers license and when they go out on their first date. We will worry constantly.

My friend gave me a great quote by C.S. Lewis. It goes like this: "God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, and shouts in our pain, it is the megaphone to rouse a deaf world." How true. In my thoughts I struggled with why God allows innocence to hurt. Why babies are abandoned and why babies become sick. Why babies are born with defects and why babies are called to Heaven right after birth. Why undeserving parents have to suffer. It all seems senseless.

Here is how she put into perspective: God, who gave the ultimate sacrifice, is all-knowing and is the ultimate Deliverer. He uses us who are called to believe and follow as an advancement towards His Kingdom. God is so powerful it's hard for us to even begin to wrap our minds around His ways and His thoughts. We weren't designed to know it all. God will stop at nothing for the advancement of His Kingdom. We know His will is always done, and he uses our pain and suffering, and our grounded faith to help deliver others who aren't quite so sure what it's all about. For the span of this lifetime on earth families will continue to suffer. There will be heartache. There will be miracles, and there will be homecomings. We can choose to NOT believe how good God is, our we can believe it with every fiber of our being and use it to His advantage. Our God is good. And our circumstances do not define His goodness. His goodness defines our circumstances. He will always sustain us.

Verse for thought: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
Psalm 27:13

Please read the Hall's blog on the right. They received a scary diagnosis today. Pray hard for them.

Admiration....

I should be so humble. I'm working on that. I really am. After half my day was wasted trying to resolve the remaining identity theft issues, I was at the end of my rope. Trying to get all the paperwork organized (it totally looked like a paper factory EXPLODED) and stuffed into the right envelopes and dealing with two kids at my feet, my stress level was maxed out. The situation has become almost humorous because every time I try to do something simple, it turns into chaos. Mostly because it's not as easy as putting a few forms into an envelope and mailing them. Instead it's the thickness of a textbook and it costs $30 to mail all these forms by certified mail. It was a stressful day. I finally got home and realized how much cleaning still needs to be done and clothes needing to be washed--but--alas, our washing machine died yesterday. It's only 7 years old. But it died. On top of that, our main car keeps messing up-- and I'm hoping it doesn't leave me stranded with two kids on the side of the road. I told Chad that I feel like someone must be praying really hard for me. REALLY HARD. Whoever this person is that's praying must think that God needs to grant me patience. You know what happens when you ask God for patience, right? It seems to be the only prayer that gets answered IMMEDIATELY.

I said ALL of that to bring me to the point of this blog. Amidst the complete chaos in my life and all the stress I have been dealing with from day to day, I was totally humbled YET AGAIN when I read Matt and Cassie's update and blog. Actually, I read it last night, but had to come home and read again.

Sometimes we question things that happen to us in life. We may verbalize it loudly, and we may sit back and silently question our God who is supposed to be bigger than any problem. For their family to be so firm in their faith and have such peace amazes me. I know it shouldn't amaze me. After all, God IS bigger than anything. But, I know I would completely fall apart at the seams if this situation ever happened to my family. Even with support from friends and family. God never promises an easy journey, but he has promised us that He is with us every step of the way. He also promises a perfect destination. We don't always know what it is in the big picture for us. We all have our burdens to bear and our weight to carry. When we question why things happen to us, the answer may be obvious right away. Other times, the truth reveals itself later. And then, there are things that happen that we may never understand or know why, but we knew WHO got us through it. Matt and Cassie may never know this, but I totally admire them. They may be beginning to fight the biggest battle of their lives OR God may be preparing them for a miracle. Either way, they are prepared and equipped to handle whatever is given to them. They've also been given friends and family who have committed themselves to pray continuously for them. My situation continues to rear it's ugly little head, and I freak out. Matt and Cassie (and many other families in this world) are fighting a continuous struggle and are grounded in hope. I wish I could be like that....

Update...

Matt and Cassie's sweet baby boy finally got to go home. He is still not in the clear, and there is an uncertain future for them in the coming days. Pray for this family. Pray for strength and peace for them and for Xavian. I feel so blessed, even in my times of stress. Their situation is so unimaginable for me. Especially with a baby close to Xavian's age.

Thinking out loud....

So, I've been wondering for the past few days exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. Of course, right now I'm content with being a mom and staying home with my boys. But they won't be little forever--unfortunately. I feel in my heart that I REALLY want to be a nurse, but after taking the ACT Saturday and realizing just how weak my math skills are, I'm having second thoughts. Yesterday my uncle, who is a nurse, said that there is a math test you have to take before being accepted into nursing school. For me to finish what I have started, I will have to start from the bottom of elementary school math and climb all the way to college algebra. THAT'S how bad I am at math. It's frustrating. I don't want to waste my time in school if nursing isn't what I'm being lead to do. I feel very strongly in my heart that I want to do nursing, but everything else is making me doubt. I think this identity theft thing is a way of God getting me to see the big picture. I can't think about it all in one leap. I have to take it one day at a time. Learn patience, and muddle through things I don't want to muddle through. School can be like the identity theft situation. I don't WANT to deal with it always, but it's something that needs to be done, that HAS to be done. I'm just not sure about anything right now..... *sigh*

My new love....

I have a new love. It's name is Febreeze. Good stuff. I just got through spraying two bottles simultaneously. One is now empty. Why didn't I discover this sooner? No, I don't think my house stinks. And I hope other people don't either. But, there is nothing like that crisp linen scent to put me in a good mood. One for the furniture, one for the air. And I just got a whole new stack of coupons for Febreeze in the mail yesterday. I can't wait to use them. One person even more excited about this is Chad. Not.

For anyone wanting to read about Matt and his family, his blog has been added on the right to my blog list. There is some good news!!! God is so good.

A little good news...

I am certainly not bragging BUT, I made a 95 on my lab practical that I thought surely I had gotten a D or an F on!!! That gets me a little more motivated and not so down.

I AM selfish...

I just checked my Facebook account because several people had left me sweet comments this morning. (Thank you.) I ran into Matt Hall's note. I had no idea what had happened in the past couple of days. I can't imagine what he is going through and I started crying because I realize my issue seems so small in comparison to what he's dealing with. (For those of you who don't know him, he just found out his baby boy--who is 10 weeks old-- has a tumor on his brain, and they're waiting for the results to find out if it is malignant or not. They rushed him to the E.R. Thursday night after he was screaming with pain, and that's how they found it.) I feel so selfish for being so stressed in my situation. I CANNOT fathom ever going through a situation such as that. My heart hurts for them, and I feel like I should be ashamed of myself for letting MY situation get to me the way it has, when I could be dealing with a situation such as Matt's. All they can do is sit and wait and watch their precious baby suffer in ICU as he recovers from his brain surgery and awaits news if he will have to undergo chemo or not. Please pray for this family. My heart is breaking for them.

I just got home from a TAIL-KICKING A.C.T. When I got home, the house was a mess, and the mail had an envelope from Lane Bryant. My credit report had been pulled because someone was trying to apply for credit. THANKFULLY the fraud alert on my credit report worked. Then a little while later, Target called and wanted to know if I had just recently applied for a credit card through them. WHEN WILL THIS END????? I am so stressed. My house is a disaster, I have a test Monday night, and someone is having a shopping excursion using MY good name. This too shall pass??? I'm ready....

I know that by now the news of the woman having octuplets last week is old. But, I just read a little of her story. She already has six children, she's unemployed BECAUSE of a bad back, and she's single. I think she must also be LOCO. What is wrong with any medical professional who can justify her background with having eight MORE babies? I know what my doctor would have told me if I were in her situation. Besides, she has a BAD BACK. I can tell you what carrying one baby at a time did to my back. This world has gone MAD!!!

A bad day....

I'm trying my best to muddle through this theft situation one day at a time. Some days are definitely better than others. Today is NOT one of those days. I just feel overwhelmed and sad. Yesterday I did fine. Today is bad. And I'm supposed to be taking the ACT at 8:00 in the morning, AND I have another test on Monday night. The test will be on Chemistry. If it were anything but that, I would be a little less overwhelmed. I failed high school Chemistry. This is something that I am NOT looking forward to. I didn't know we had to review Chemistry for an Anatomy and Physiology class.

I know that people face bigger issues than me everyday. But, that doesn't make my situation any less worse for me to deal with. I have to take it in small steps. I can only fill out one identity theft report at a time, and then I have to walk away from it for the rest of the day. Anger is an issue I am constantly battling with. I got on my knees in prayer last night, and begged for help in all my issues-- school, ACT, and my anger and theft case. I can't quite turn it over solely to God. I still feel so angry--I think it's even hurt my feelings that someone could do this to someone else.

Of course, then last night Ethan decided to wake up four times between the hours of 10:30 and 6:00. As if I didn't already have enough trouble sleeping, every time I wake up with him I can't fall back asleep right away. I just feel like my life isn't slowing down anytime soon. I just want to lock myself in a room somewhere with a good book and stay there for an entire day. And not have to worry about ANYTHING but finishing the book. But, I must carry on....

Okay. Coincidence or God speaking? I did not get another email from K-Love until today. The encouraging word of the day was this: In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
~ Psalm 5:3, NLT
Hmmm.... Goes right along with the two verses from Sunday......

Facing my giant...

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I'm on the computer trying to get some sort of "away" time. Away from textbooks and the dining room table filled with affidavits and paperwork. I went to the AG's office to file a formal complaint, but now I feel more stressed out than ever. There is no black and white. It's all a gray area. I am so overwhelmed that I feel like I'm trying to keep my sanity.

The timing of all this couldn't be worse. As I sat down in my chair last night waiting for class to begin, my phone vibrated. It was Harley Davidson. I sent at least 20 pages of all the information they needed via certified mail, and they were calling to tell me that my driver's license would not be enough information to verify my proof of residency. I totally lost it. LOST. IT. When something traumatic happens to me, it's like my brain short circuits. Really. And I guess that's what happened at the moment she informed me of this. I went off on her to the point that I felt like I could have physically come through the phone and strangled her. And all she was doing was her job. Following the rules as she told me. Once I realized that she was only doing what she had to do, I apologized profusely. But this all occurred right as class was starting and I had my first test. It kicked my tail. I have been so consumed with this issue, that everything else has taken a backseat.

On top of the relentless red tape to deal with, I'm starting to become angrier and angrier at this person. How do these kind of people sleep at night? I ask for peace and I get it. But, I'm human. Every time I have to load the kids up, drive to the post office or AG's office, or stand in line at the post office, or pay $8 to mail forms via certified mail, I just get irritated beyond control. I feel like this will haunt me for a long time. And it will.

I let my mother borrow a book recently. It's called "Facing the Giants" by Max Lucado. Excellent book. She returned it to me yesterday. I think she's trying to tell me something. I really should go back and read through this book. It's all centered around King David in the Bible, and the book covers every "giant" you could possibly face. So in all the spare time that I have (yeah, right) I'm going to reread certain chapters of that book. I'm going to overcome this giant one stone at a time. *sigh*

A revelation?

I'm trying to decide if God is trying to tell me something. I have this new favorite song, and it's by a group called Third Day. The name of the song is "Revelation". The song just states how he's trying to find his way, and each road he takes is the wrong one, and he's asking God for a revelation. He wants God to show him what to do, where to go. It's a very powerful song, especially if you're actively seeking something in your life. So anyway, every time I get in the car, that song comes on the radio. If there is conversation between anyone in the car at that moment it must cease until the song is over. I love it that much. After hearing that song so many times, we were memorizing Brennan's Bible verse on the way to church (so I've been a little preoccupied until then) and the verse was "I will call on you God, and you will answer me." Psalm 17:6. We repeated it over and over and over. (Which, by the way, he was so cute when he said it in church this morning!) Well, when I got home from church, I checked my email and I had a Bible verse waiting for me from K-Love (the radio station). I never get daily emails from them, but this that was sent today of all days was "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" Jeremiah 33:3-4 I am wondering what is being revealed in my life. I know it's something, because I'm changing everyday, and I've had powerful things happening in my life. I'm not sure, but I feel like this is NO coincidence that these verses happened to be in my face on the same day.