My intentions were good....

I must be very careful what I say in this post. I know my post-Christmas spirit will sound a little Scrooge-like, but in order to vent properly things must be said. Even if my attitude is that of a child's right now. I'll get over it, but right now I just want to say what I need to say.

My intentions were very good this Christmas. Although I felt very disorganized and preoccupied with other things, I thought Christmas Day would be wonderful. I know things will never be absolutely perfect, but I wanted it to be as close as possible. Don't ask me what I was thinking when I agreed to this, (maybe I had one too many swigs of eggnog) but we decided to have BOTH families over at the SAME time. Normally we do stuff all the time together, so I didn't think it would be a big deal, I guess. But, twenty people piled up under one roof in a house that's not even quite 1800 square feet and the excitement of Christmas all around--it was a headache waiting to happen.

So, I pulled out my grandmother's Christmas dishes, nice glasses, had three tables set perfectly. We decided not to go with the traditional Christmas dinner this year, instead choosing to cook steak on the grill. I should've know that was chaos waiting to happen. Especially on a rainy day. But, I was trying to cut down on the chaos by having the tables already set so that everyone could sit down and THEN the food could be served. Apparently nobody got that memo. Before I even realized what was happening everyone was crowding the kitchen grabbing and piling. Some were going back for seconds before others had a chance to eat a first time. Then one of the children were sitting at the bar in the kitchen eating off my grandmother's china. There was a reason there was no china at that spot. No children allowed to eat off of plates that are no longer made and belonged to my grandmother. Especially sitting high at the counter with concrete below. So, I just had to try to let it go.

As my mother and I sat down to eat, we had taken about two bites of our food when my mom's phone rings. My dad had just left from my house to take my grandfather back to the nursing home where he lives, when my grandfather had a stroke. Literally as he was walking in, it was happening. The nurses told my dad to take him straight to the hospital immediately. Of course, that ruined Christmas lunch even more. My mom was a wreck. Although, I must fill you in on what happened BEFORE my parents even got to my house....

My parents have 3 dogs. I think they must have one dog for each child they have, because none of us live at home anymore and they treat these dogs as though they are humans. Well, the newest of the bunch, a big mutt named Bo, somehow got badly cut when he went out that morning. He's still a bit of a puppy so he's always getting into things he shouldn't. Well, he was cut so bad that they had to take him to the emergency vet and once there they had to sedate him and stitch him up and then keep him the rest of the day and overnight. So, my mother was already down and upset when she got to my house. Then the whole thing happens with my grandfather, which is her dad. And because my grandmother died on Mother's Day several years ago, we don't want anything too traumatic happening on any other major holidays.

After my mother left to go to the hospital, between the chaos in my house and the news of my grandfather, I had to shut myself in my bathroom and have a good cry for about ten minutes. I was tempted to shut myself in there until the presents were opened and everyone was gone, but I knew that would be rude. So after a good cry I made myself face the madness again. I must say I was very relieved when everyone left that night.

So then we decided to go shopping Friday. Yes, I know. What were we thinking? I just wanted to get out of the mess in my house that I'm STILL cleaning up today and just spend some Christmas money. I get nervous in big crowds, and a big crowd it was. Then we had a stroller and a motor-mouth to deal with in the big crowds. Then we left only to get stuck in the power outage on County Line Road, with no traffic lights working and about to run out of gas. Chad was almost on panic-mode because we couldn't get around the traffic any way we tried and we were idling in traffic on fumes.

So, after all this Christmas excitement, I never thought I'd say this, but I am Christmased out!!! I don't think I'll ever recover. Although I am very blessed to have a family that stresses me out and my kids had a wonderful Christmas. Brennan had so much fun this year and got lots of stuff he didn't need. We went to Christmas Eve service at church, which was nice quiet time, and a chance to slow down and focus on the real reason we have Christmas at all.

Build-A-Bear Military style

So yesterday while we were at the mall my mom took Brennan to the Build-A-Bear store. In honor of my brother, Brennan picked out all military clothing. The fatigues even came complete with dogtags. Of course the fatigues also came with an Army beret. So my brother told us to do away with the beret. (I don't know why Marines are trained to be so cocky and full of themselves, but they are, and we've had to deal with a slight attitude change with Brent.) Anyway, I thought the bear was really cute and my mom even got a camouflage tent for the bear to sleep in....

The kid who wouldn't sleep....

That's my kid I'm talking about. Ethan is now 14 weeks (I think---I lose track of the weeks) and he has yet to sleep through the night. There has been one night he slept form about 10 until 4 in the morning. I was elated and got my hopes up. Here lately he won't even nap during the day. He is so afraid he is going to miss out on something. Yesterday we went to the mall to have his and Brennan's picture made with Santa (which, by the way, turned out fabulous-- they were both smiling) and he never so much as closed his eyes much less even showed any signs he was thinking about napping. When we got home his eyes were as big as saucers and he was grinning and talking and wide awake. He napped from about 5 until 5:30 and he was wide awake again. I put him in the bath to hopefully calm him down and lull him off to sleep when the doorbell rang. Company. Unannounced company. Good. Even more excitement to add to our day. It was about 10 before he finally went to sleep for good. He was so tired before that he couldn't sleep. He'd sleep for ten minutes and wake up crying. Of course when I say he went to sleep for good I DO mean until about 2:30 when he woke up hungry. Today he still refuses to nap. He just looks at me and grins and coos and kicks his arms and legs. It's as if he's saying "What are we going to do today, Mommy?! Where are we going? Who are we going to see?" I finally just had to stick him in his swing and let him talk himself to sleep. Which he did. (Hallelujah.)

No, I did not write this, but it was forwarded to me and I laughed out loud the whole way through because I live this!!!!


Dear Santa,
> I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children
on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my own doctor, sold
sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the
school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out -- over
several Christmases.
>
> Since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back
of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles; and who knows when I'll
find any more free time in the next 18 years, so now - -
>
> *** Here are my Christmas wishes ***
>
> * I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (-in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but
are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the
grocery store.
>
> * I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month
of my last pregnancy.
>
> * If you're hauling big-ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television
that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide
to talk on the phone.
>
> * On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes,
Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight
and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of
power tools.
>
> * I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, 'Don't eat in
the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice
seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard
by the dog.
>
> * If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury
of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
Styrofoam container.
>
> *If you don't mind, I could also use a few miracles to brighten the
holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a
vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
>
> *It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
crime family.
>
> Well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my feet under
the laundry room door. I think he wants his red crayon back. Have a safe
trip Santa, and remember to leave your wet boots by the door, and come in
and dry off, so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the
table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
> Yours always with love and appreciation,
> A Mom
> P.S. One more thing . . You can cancel all my requests, if you can keep
my children 'young' enough to believe in Santa.
>
>

A cheerful heart....

Every Christmas season it seems as though I have to be reminded of how fortunate I really am. Situations that really put things into perspective for me.

In Sunday School on Sunday morning someone announced that there was a family in dire straights at our church. Single mom with no money for rent. They were going to be kicked out of their house if they didn't come up with money for the rent by Wednesday. (Tomorrow.) While I felt very sorry for this family, the selfish part of me thought to myself how financially strapped we are right now. I didn't really think much else about it. Of course, if we had extra I would've gladly given. Well, last night Chad brings it up again. He felt lead to give a little something even if it wasn't much. After all, we were going to have a home to celebrate Christmas in and our kids were going to have something to wake up to on Christmas Day. Again, I scoffed a little at him for saying that. We have bills, we have a tight budget, sometimes we worry about having enough for groceries, etc., etc. Again, very selfish thoughts. Then this morning as soon as I opened my eyes my thoughts immediately went to this family. I knew what God was telling me to do. Besides, it is Tuesday, and they could be homeless by this time tomorrow. I know God tells us to always give with a cheerful heart, but sometimes when you're so clouded in your own pity, it's hard to remember there is always someone worse off than you.

While we may not have the biggest, fanciest house, and we may drive cars rolling close to 200,000 miles, and we may not always get what we want when we want it, it's so important to remember that we have things that God has chosen to bless us with and we are very well provided for. Even the simple things mean the most to me. Like being reminded of the family and friends I have. The fact that everyday that I've gone out to the mailbox since Thanksgiving, we have 2 or 3 Christmas cards from friends and family we've known and have gotten to know over the years. I've even run out of room on my Christmas card holder and am having to find other ways to display them. I love opening the mailbox and receiving such meaningful reminders of the things that really matter.

I complain all the time how we've already outgrown our house, but it's a good problem when you know your kids are so blessed because they have so many things that there isn't enough room for all the stuff that they have. Just a couple of weeks ago I cleaned out Brennan's room getting ready for all the other stuff he'll get for Christmas, and he saw me putting toys in garbage bags to get rid of. He questioned me about this and was very upset about it. Well, our church has adopted an apartment complex in S. Jackson and we did our own version of an angel tree this year. In addition they were taking any donations of toys, clothes, etc., that people could give. So I had to explain to him that he had so much and he was going to get new toys for Christmas and we needed to share with others who don't have the nice things that he has. I think it took awhile to sink in, but he eventually got used to the idea. I have been reminded while we may not have everything, it is so important to teach my children the joy of giving and sharing. Not just at Christmas, but always. Not only does it bring happiness to those who are the recipients, but it makes the giver feel a little bit better about themselves and what they are able to share.

I know that my thoughts were very selfish. After I spoke with someone at the church this morning I was told that there were actually several families in our church who were reaching out for help and who were in need. I never would have thought. After all, we go to a church that's not very big. It's not a small church, but it's not huge like some others around the metro area. You never know the things that people are dealing with in their lives. I only wish now we really did have a little more to give....

Office Christmas festivities....

Dr. Harkins and his two FAVORITE assistants. (Okay, we're his ONLY assistants...)



The women of the office.



Elaine is thirsty! And she makes me laugh.

Dreaming of a White Christmas....

Brennan getting ready to throw a snowball.



Our outside "Christmas Tree". Look carefully and there are presents under there.




Trying to smack the dog with a snowball.



Our house.

So this morning I was one of the geniuses who should NOT have been out on the road. But alas, I had to work this morning. I knew when I said my prayer this morning that God had something in store for me today. I should have prayed a little harder. I had not even ventured out a mile from my house before I had a small accident. Yes. An accident. With my car. My fault. Long story. But the girl with whom I collided with went on her merry little way. I had to go hunt her down. She was a teacher at Steen's Creek Elementary. It was freezing, I had no coat on, and the puddles were ankle deep in Florence. I called Chad crying, trying not to panic. So, I went inside the school and asked around wondering if anyone knew anybody who drove a black Chevrolet Impala because we had just had an accident and it needed to be reported and she needed my insurance info-- and she had disappeared. The accident was my fault. They had to page her over the intercom of the school. She came to the office. She was crying. I was crying. She was pregnant. I was late for work. She was shaken up. I was shaken up. It made for a bad morning. She felt bad for me. I felt bad for her. Then she hugged ME. The accident was my fault, she was pregnant, but she gave ME a hug. That's the south for you, I guess. Fortunately God was watching out for me this morning. It could have been a LOT worse. I pulled out in front of her thinking she was going to make a right turn. I thought I saw her blinker on. Obviously I saw no such thing. She tried to stop but the roads in Florence were already starting to ice over at 7:00 this morning. I saw her tires lock up. It all happened in slow motion.

After all the drama, I called my boss and told him I was going to take it slow and I was going to be late for work. I think my excuse was a solid one. We ended up only seeing 3 patients before we called it quits and canceled the rest of the day. It has been one long day. I'm glad it's almost over. I like to see snow. But I like to see it from the inside looking out.

Weekend Update....

Brennan and his friend, Hayley, at the Byram Christmas parade.



Our Sunday School float.



Chad and Adam after the parade.



Ronnie and Kim. Can you tell they are Alabama fans?



Some of the girls in our Sunday School class. The lady in the red vest is our teacher.

Saturday our church held the Byram Christmas Parade. It was so much fun. Chad and I are on the Children's Ministry Team and we were in charge of the parade. It took 6 months worth of planning, but we all had a great time. It was very cold Saturday. I had on my running tights under my jeans and wore gloves so I didn't stay too cold. I will admit, being out in the freezing weather so early in the morning reminded me of how I do NOT miss running that much. I HATED running in the cold. I would much rather run in 90 degree heat. Call me crazy, but I HATE being cold. I love cold weather, but I don't like running in it.

Saturday night was our Sunday School Christmas party. We had so much fun. Our class is full of pranksters and they keep everyone on their toes.

So this weekend was an extremely busy weekend. Sunday I think I must have come down with some sort of small bug-- that or it was stress. I woke up Sunday morning feeling queasy, so thinking it was all the party food from the night before I took a Tums and went on to church. Later that afternoon I started feeling worse. It just continued to progress. About 8 o'clock I was in tears because I felt so miserable and I think I must have been running fever. I took a hot bath and couldn't get warm, then I went to bed decked out in the warmest pajamas I could find, with socks on my feet, and my ceramic space heater blowing full blast on me while I snuggled under my down comforter-- and I still couldn't get warm. I was shivering. I am a big, fat baby when I feel bad, I admit. Chad, who once was a pre-med major, was a horrible nurse. He did take care of the boys, but he showed no sympathy towards me. I told him God knew what he was doing when he changed Chad's mind about majoring in medicine. I was so close to calling my boss and telling him I wasn't going to be able to come in Monday morning, but I decided to sleep and see how I felt when I woke up. I still felt icky when I woke up and couldn't make lunch for Chad and me because the thought of food nauseated me. But, as the day went on I started to feel better. Thank goodness. This was a bad week to get sick. Thankfully next week slows down a good bit for us.

Hope for America...

There is still hope for America AND television. You know everything is still okay when "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is in the television lineup every Christmas season. I'm waiting for the year when someone decides it should no longer be aired because of it's religious references and values. Then we'll know we're in serious trouble. Sure does bring back childhood memories. Good times. Good times.

Things that make life complete.....

This was an all day process just about. I almost lost my religion over this *#%^ thing!



Ethan watching...



Brennan is very meticulous about making things perfect.... (He doesn't get that from me!)



Eating the icing!



Ethan loves his big brother. Every time Brennan walks into the room Ethan starts smiling and cooing. He doesn't even have to see Brennan. Just by hearing his voice he lights up. In the above picture, Brennan is singing the ABC's to Ethan. They were cracking me up! I couldn't stop laughing at both of them.

Two-day old news....

Well, now I remember the reason I quit subscribing to the newspaper. Who has the time? My Sunday paper-- one of my recent Sunday afternoon lazy indulgences--still lays on the kitchen counter unwrapped from it's plastic. So I guess I could unwrap it and take out the coupons. That's about all it's good for now...

So here was my Thanksgiving in a nutshell: Busy, busy, and, you guessed it, busy. I was so exhausted when I got home from work yesterday that I almost couldn't make myself change clothes and get back out in the cold. But, I did. For there are always places to go and things to be doing. So when I finally got home for good last night I did things that needed to be doing here and crawled into bed and I don't remember much after my head hit the pillow. Although the glass of wine I had with dinner could have been my ultimate demise. I doubt it though. I was already tired. So tired.

Now of course we have a dead car. Why? Because it's Christmas. And really, that's the way our luck goes. Not that we really believe in luck. But, our life seems to be the epitome of that good ol' saying, "when it rains, it pours". So I guess we'll have to manage with one car for the next several days until we can get our other car repaired. If I can say one good thing it's that I'm glad that it went dead in our garage this morning and not at River Hills Country Club last night. I was surrounded by Lexus's and Mercedes and BMW's. Oh, well. All we can do is manage to do the best with what we have.

We're slowly getting better....

So Ethan made a trip to the doctor for the THIRD, count 'em, third time since Friday. He was not getting any better, still running fever, and miserable. Chad called first thing this morning and since Chad had taken all week off for Thanksgiving he went ahead and took him in. Well, guess what, folks? After being checked Friday AND Saturday (by two different doctors, neither our normal pediatrician) his regular pediatrician diagnosed him with RSV. Yes, RSV. AND also a double ear infection. I am a bit on the unhappy side right now and I think I might be calling the pediatrician's office tomorrow and talking to someone about this situation. I don't understand how he can go from showing no signs of RSV and an ear infection to full-blown RSV and TWO ear infections in less than 48 hours. Perhaps they can offer an explanation for this. That would be great. Otherwise I want to know why it wasn't caught on the second visit, if not the first. Furthermore, it could have saved us $75. Which, I don't want to make money an issue because I would sell the house if it meant making my child well, but by the time the three doctor visits were over and the prescriptions were filled we shelled out $125. That's something we don't really have lying around waiting for a rainy day. But, in the end, he was given an injection of antibiotics, was given a written prescription for Augmentin, AND is having to do breathing treatments every couple of hours. He does look 100% better just after having that injection and doing a couple of breathing treatments. But, I still am going to call the nurse and find out exactly what the hold up was in determining the REAL cause of all his symptoms.

Anyhow, so this is a sort of amusing story. I went to work today while Chad stayed home. I left a few dishes in the sink thinking they would at least make it to the dishwasher today, even if nothing else got done around the house. Well, nothing got done around the house AND the dishes are still in the sink. Actually, they were still in the sink until about 15 minutes ago when I put them in there myself. Not one thing had been put in it's proper place today and I don't recall checking, but I'm sure the bed is still unmade from this morning. So I asked Chad how he would like reversing roles. I could go to work everyday and he could stay home with the boys. His response was this: "HELL NO." I think he got a small taste of what my day is like. So now I won't feel quite so guilty if there are a few things left undone at the end of the day when he gets home from work. Oh, and dinner? Forget about it. He and Brennan went to eat with Chad's mom. Go figure.

Christmas cards and sickness.....

So, it's getting to be THAT TIME of year again! I've been on a mission since August of this year to find the perfect Christmas card to send out. Besides decorating my home for Christmas, sending out Christmas cards is my favorite thing to do. Every year I have to have the perfect picture and the perfect card. Of course, with our budget being tight this year I'm going to have to be a little less picky. But, I'm ready to take the picture and send out the cards!

Other updates: My poor Ethan has been extremely sick this week. I've taken him to the doctor twice within a 24 hour period. I've shelled out fifty bucks for both doctors to tell me the same thing: Just a bad upper respiratory infection and since he's so little there's nothing that can be done but give him Tylenol every 6 hours. What's with this new rule that you're not supposed to give young children cold medicine anymore?! How long have kids been taking that stuff?! Years. I think it's ridiculous when a child is suffering and there's "nothing that can be done". Of course, I didn't go to medical school, so all I can do is take the doctors word for it and watch my baby suffer. He's so sick that he's lost his voice and he can't even cry. It's the most pitiful thing I have ever seen. They pricked his finger today to check his white blood cell count and he wanted to cry but no sound would come out. It broke my heart. I wish I could take away the miserableness he's feeling right now and wish it upon myself. Fortunately he's sleeping a good bit and he's still nursing like usual. Hopefully the worst will be over by tomorrow. I don't think I can stand to see him like he is much longer.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is this week, which at my house, means it's time to put up some decorations and the Christmas tree! Chad has all week off so he said we could decorate on Wednesday!!! (Not that I needed his permission, mind you.) Of course, I have to work on Wednesday so I told him he could have everything out of the attic and ready to go when I get home from work that day. That on top of him painting Brennan and Ethan's bathroom. (The same bathroom I stripped wallpaper off SEVEN months ago!) We've been so busy and preoccupied that the bathroom was put at the bottom of our to-do list. Hopefully it will be finished this week, though. Once that is finished my house will be put back in order for the most part. Up next, wood floors..... (Chad are you reading this?)

So, this is how I've decided I'll face my fear head on: I'm going to treat it as if I have no choice. Just like there are many things in life we don't get choices in, this is going to be treated the same way. There are many days I don't want to get out of bed after being up all night with the baby tossing and turning (especially when it's cold outside!), but I have no choice. Sometimes I don't want to take the time to stop and fill up my car with gas, but I have no choice. Sometimes things are thrown my way in life that I don't want thrown at me and I don't want to deal with, but some things I have no choice but to accept it and deal with it as best I can and keep marching forward. Some days I don't want to get up and go to work, but I have no choice. Sometimes I want to have a day off from being a mommy, but regardless of where I travel in this world I will always be a mommy from now on. If I treat school in the same manner, maybe it will take some of the anxiety away. I have no choice but to do it and get it over with and have a better career opportunity so I can pay for my kids college and help Chad pay off HIS college and to save for the future. Retirement is a very big issue these days and I want to have something when I'm old enough to face retirement. So, I have no choice but to DO THIS!!!!!!

School, school, and more school....

So I did it. Today was the beginning of many small baby steps. I registered for school. Ask me how I feel.... Glad you asked. I. Am. Scared. Totally scared to death. On the way to the campus this morning I was very anxious. I even started to shake a little. I know, it's not like it was my first day of class or anything, but this was the first step in reaching my goal. Small as it may be, it was a little scary.

I've already hit a couple of snags along the way. For starters, I was only intending on taking one class to just get my feet wet and see how I handle school after 8 years of not being in school. BUT, as cheap as Hinds is, (and let me just tell you, it is dirt cheap!) Chad and I don't have the extra $400 to pay for a class right now. My parents don't have the money, so I had to do what I had to do. I signed up for 7 hours so that I could qualify for student loans. I just have to look at the bright side-- the more classes I take per semester the faster I can have my prerequisites done. Which brings me to the next problem.

I was informed that I also had to take Microbiology and Human Growth and Development on top of the three classes I already knew I had to have. So, I need to have 5 classes and my ACT out of the way before I can be accepted into nursing school. I guess two more classes aren't that big of a deal. I just have to accept it and deal with it.

But, I am really scared. For many reasons. Balancing a family, a job, and school will be no dauntless task. I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology I on Monday night. It's from 5:30 until 10:00 which means I will not see my family at all on Mondays since I work every Monday. The next night (Tuesday) I have Sociology, which will be better since I don't generally work on Tuesdays.

I'm also afraid I lack the brains I need to have to get through school. I am so intimidated. Especially when the counselor told me I had to have Micro. Science geek I am NOT. Give me English or History any day. I guess it is better than Organic Chemistry, right?

So, I'm intimidated, nervous, anxious, and scared. I have to look at this in tiny steps, instead of the big picture right now. Otherwise I will get too overwhelmed and I will quit too easily. I ran a marathon last year when something of that magnitude had never even crossed my mind. I did just what I was supposed to do: I took it one step at a time. Little by little. I took small bites of one big elephant and I eventually devoured it. People go back to school all the time with kids, and jobs, and other obligations. I'm young, and if I don't do this now, I never will. It will always be "coulda, woulda, shoulda". I can only do the best I can do and that's it. I can't do anymore than that. I've got a good support system and I have children that depend on me and that will be my number one motivation. Nothing takes away the fear, though.....

Foley is magical.....

Well, I made it back. Foley is such a magical place. All your dreams can come true there. ESPECIALLY if you go with no husband. Although my most spectacular find of the weekend were some really cute shoes that had a price tag of $70 and I left the store with them after only paying $9.41. It was the very last pair and the exact size I needed. Was this a sign that they were meant for me? I think so... And is this the kind of magic that goes on in Foley? YES! Yes, it is. I'm already counting down the days before our trip next year.

The weekend definitely had it's story-making moments. One consisted of a girl in our group smuggling a chicken wrap from Chick-Fil-A into LuLu's restaurant (Jimmy Buffet's wife, for those of you who, like me, didn't know either such wife OR restaurant existed) and eating said chicken wrap after demanding the waiter bring her a brownie and ice cream when he brought our drinks out. So, she had her smuggled wrap and brownie devoured before we even had our meals in front of us. If you knew anything about this girl you wouldn't even question this little episode.

For this next one I need all males to close their ears/eyes, and anyone with weak stomachs. I did what no woman ever wants to do. I pumped in a very, very public bathroom. In a corner I took out my machine and had two girls stand cover and hide me. This was NOT my suggestion, but I was on the trip with a very feisty nurse who DEMANDED I take care of business as usual. Baby or not. The things I said I'd NEVER do.... Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess.....

So, it's official. Earlier this week I sat down with my boss and told him I had plans on returning to school. I was so upset and worried for several days, but I knew I couldn't hide it from him. It had to be done. And although I wasn't quitting my job at that moment, we both knew the time would probably be coming sooner rather than later. I told him all the reasons why I wanted to return to school and that I have really struggled in making this decision. I love my job, I love dentistry, I love my boss, and I love my co-workers, but I really felt strongly about wanting to pursue nursing. He was very supportive, not that I thought he wouldn't be. But, it's hard telling your boss something like that. In other words, I was quitting, but not right at that moment.

Here's the funny thing. I had been in deep prayer over this, and although I felt right about the whole situation I just asked God to smack me in the head with an answer. So twice this week He did just that. Once happened Monday. We had a patient come in who worked for Sta-Home Health Agency. I don't believe she was an RN, but was like a nurse's assistant. (Whatever they are called these days.) I just started making conversation with her while Dr. Harkins was out of the room. She started telling me how much she loved her job and she looked forward to going to work everyday. She rarely ever called in sick and had the most wonderful patients. She also felt very rewarded in her job.She had also been with this agency for about 15 years or so. So, sign #1.

Sign #2 happened yesterday. Dr. Harkins and the patient were talking about a friend they both knew who returned to nursing school later on in her adult life. So Dr. Harkins tells the patient that I had made the decision to pursue nursing. The patient looked at me and told me that I needed to talk to this friend of hers and Dr. Harkins' because she returned to school at 42 years of age and just started her first job as a nurse. Her friend said it was the best job she's ever had and the decision to go back to nursing school was THE BEST DECISION SHE'S EVER MADE! Isn't it weird how sometimes God can smack you with an answer and other times you're wondering what the hold up is up there?!

Wish me Luck....

I'm leaving tomorrow for a short weekend trip to Foley, Alabama. So, why wish me luck? Well, I've never been to Foley, believe it or not, but I've heard LOTS of things about it. Like, gee, I don't know.... the SHOPPING! And I'm only going armed with a 100 dollar bill. That's it, folks. One hundred smackeroos and I'm going to try to make it all day Saturday by not spending more than the cash I have in my purse. Sound crazy? Darn right, it sounds crazy. Is it possible? Mmmmm, probably NOT. Am I going to try really, really hard to have self-control and be a good girl? Well, try I might. But, TRY is the key word.

So why even go? Well, just to get away for a night. Away from the kids and the hubby, as much as I love all of them, sometimes you just have to have non-mommy time. Of course, the girls I'm going with won't be great influences. They have money to burn. All of 'em. But, for the sake of wanting to be debt free and trying to pay off hospitals and doctors I MUST stay strong. MUST....STAY.....STRONG..... Pray for me.

Text messaging Part II

Now it's really getting scary. My dad has been text messaging me. AND my mother-in-law has caught on......

Text messaging

Here is what bothers me about text messaging: My mother knows how to text message. Granted, I actually have friends my mother's age who text all the time. But, my MOM?! This is so uncool on many different levels. When did she come out of the dark ages? This is someone who never, for the life of her could operate a computer properly. For years. Now she texts AND she sends emails. WHAT?! The first time she sent me a text message it kinda freaked me out a little bit. My mom just joined the new century. Eight years later......

College bound? (Again.....)

So, in ten days I will be eligible to enroll in school. I just got off the phone with Hinds verifying they got my application (since I never heard from them after completing my application online) and making sure I had the correct days to start enrolling. Now I feel a little nervous about the situation. It's one of those things I've talked about and talked about and now I'm actually DOING it. At least I HOPE to find myself standing in the enrollment office in a week or so. I've gotten positive encouragement from almost everyone (except for the couple of people who think I should be barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my life). My number one supporters are Chad and my mom and they have both been encouraging me. But now, I have a slightly elevated heartbeat and sweaty palms after hanging up the phone.

I just have to remind myself that this is something I really feel lead to do. I feel very strongly about this. I haven't been left alone about it, and I know that if this is something God wants me to do, then he will get me through it. Even retaking my ACT. Which I dread more than anything.

So, we'll see exactly how much nerve I have in ten days. I AM capable of doing what I want to do with my career. And I have the much needed support to do it and finish it, if that's what is meant to be.

VOTE!

I got out and voted today. How about you? I even took my boys (not that one really had a clue what was going on), and explained to Brennan the importance of what was happening. I don't think he really got it, but I could tell he was thinking about what I was telling him. I'm glad I got to take him. Maybe this will be one thing that sticks in his head as he gets older. It is very important to exercise that right, and every vote counts. If the past two elections haven't taught us that, I don't know what else will.

I don't really care who you voted for, that's your right, (I wish to offend no one) but I put my ballot in for McCain. I read an article on the Clarion-Ledger website, and they quoted a college student who drove five hours round trip to go home and vote this morning. I like what he said: “John McCain all the way. I’m conservative, and the liberal views of (Barack) Obama are totally different from my values.

“McCain gave us 5 1/2 years (as a POW during the Vietnam War). The least we can do is give him four.”

I learned a lot about both candidates during this election. I think Barack is very well spoken and educated, and he carries himself well. However, I don't agree with 95% of the changes he thinks we need. Not that I agree with McCain on 100% of his views, but he has values I think we can be proud of, and the stand he takes on most issues has gotten my vote. I watched all 3 debates, and I learned where the candidates stand on issues. I can't say that for everyone else in America. I would hope that most everyone has done their homework and researched the candidates and what they really stand for, and where they came from, and where they want to take this country.

Now, if you haven't done so, GO VOTE!!!! It's your right as an American. Be proud we can have a voice in who we want to run this country. And if your particular candidate loses this election, you still have the right to complain for the next four years. :-)

Ready for Christmas!

Christmas is right around the corner. It's so close I can taste it. I CANNOT wait. My tree is begging to be decorated. My oven is ready for baking. The Wisemen are ready for display. Baby Jesus is ready for the manger. The wreath is patiently waiting to be hung. The wrapping paper wants a gift to wrap. Can you tell that Christmastime is my favorite time of the year? It could be Christmas 365 days a year and it wouldn't hurt my feelings. Of course, I guess that would take away from the specialness of the season. First things first, let's not forget TURKEY DAY! Just a few weeks away and then the MAGIC begins! :-)

And yet there are more.....

The youngest Marine recruit ever. :-) (That is one heavy-duty bib! My brother brought it home when he was born.)



Brennan's first time to eat cotton candy. He wasn't a fan.



MiMi and Brennan.

Trick-or-treat.

Brennan and his cousin, Brooklyn.



Brennan and his friend, Grayson. (Trouble and Trouble.)



At the Fall Festival at church.



My sweet little Pumpkin.



At MiMi's house.

Friday Afternoon....

Some residents at Wisteria Gardens. ( Mr. and Mrs. Kelly--he was a former Jackson City Councilman years ago, before it became a JOKE.) This couple never had children and they wanted to hold the baby so bad. Very sweet people. He has Alzheimer's now.




We took the boys to trick-or-treat at Wisteria Gardens in Brandon. It's an assisted living/nursing home where my grandfather lives. (He HATES to hear it called a nursing home....) Brennan got lots of good candy and Ethan even got some candy! (In other words, I got the candy.)

Can I be Sleeping Beauty for Halloween this year?

I. Am. So. Tired. What I wouldn't give for 8 solid hours of uninterrupted sleep. I don't remember feeling quite so tired with the first child. Of course, I didn't nurse the first time around, so Daddy got to help with Baby a lot more. My think-tank is running on empty and I can't quite shake this urge of wanting to lie down and sleep for 100 years. Just like Sleeping Beauty did. Only she didn't need her beauty sleep. She was already beautiful. I'm in desperate need of it. I'd even like an hour to lie on the couch and take a nap. Just. One. Good. Nap.

Math Wizard I am NOT!

I must have the word "SUCKER" written across my forehead in flashing neon lights. So, I'm at Kroger with both boys. I have my four-year old talking non-stop to whoever or WHATEVER will listen. I'm carrying my hefty 7 week old in the carrier and trying to get around an elderly couple who can't seem to make it in the door fast enough. I finally get to the buggies and I KNEW what was going to happen next. I saw HIM out of the corner of my eyes...

There he was: An intelligent, well-spoken, nice- looking, he's-been-trained-to-spot-a-sucker-from-a-mile-away, smiling salesman. He strikes up a conversation about the baby and how he remembers when his children were that little. As I was waiting for him to come in for the kill, I hesitated---instead of taking off through the doors to continue my grocery shopping. It was that brief moment of hesitation that he got me. He could smell it from a thousand miles away. "I've got her now!" There was nowhere I could go, nothing I could do, but listen to the sales pitch. I am a sucker. And never mind that there were about four other people who walked through the doors at the EXACT same time as me! He knew my kind.

So, somehow in his convincing sales pitch, he talks me into subscribing to the Clarion Ledger for about the fifth time in the past three years. I explained to him that I always cancel my subscription because of bad service. He continues to convince me that THIS TIME will be different. THEN he really does it-- he whips out the Kroger gift card and dangles it in front of my face like I am a dog and that is the steak. "The first month is on us!!!", BUT--he slyly throws this in somewhere in all his jargon, "I need your debit card or a check". Still staring at the gift card I handed him my debit card. What was I thinking? Somehow he made the whole deal seem really sweet, when in reality, I still feel like I paid for that subscription. It took me awhile to think about it AFTER I walked away and then I started driving myself nuts about it. He took $10.75 out of my checking account, but handed me a $10 gift card. I spent $30 at the grocery store, but only paid $20 after I used my gift card. BUT, he still took $10 out of my account. Somehow this just doesn't make sense. I know it took $10 off my bill, but he took $10 from me. So in other words, $30 still came out of my checking account that day. If the first month was really on him, why didn't he just give me a free month. There's a catch in there somewhere and he saw the word "SUCKER" written across my forehead. See, this is why I am not a math major AND why I am not allowed to balance our checkbook, AND why it's convenient to be married to an accountant. Where was he when I needed him?

So, I finally did get understanding of the whole situation. Even though I paid $30, instead of JUST walking away with groceries, I got a month "free" from the Clarion Ledger. I still feel as though I got ripped off. An I still feel dirty and used!

Saturday

We made a trip to the Ag Museum on Saturday. Brennan absolutely loved it! They had it decorated for their Halloween Carnival that night-- some of it was a little too over-the-top for someone Brennan's age, so we had to emphasize it was just for Halloween. Just pretend. But, we had a great time and plan on going back when they have their Christmas decorations up. (P.S. Christmas is around the corner.... I am SO excited! I wish I could put up my decorations YESTERDAY!)

A mother's work is never done....

Well, Monday is the big day for me. Not a HUGE day by any means, but a stepping stone in the world of "mommyhood". It is the day I return to work for the first time in 6 weeks. Which, I know isn't really that big of a deal seeing as how I only work 2 days a week. But, considering I haven't left Ethan for more than 3 hours since he's been born, it's still a little sad. I do find much comfort in knowing my mother will be taking care of him and I won't have to take him to a stranger for childcare.

I'm actually looking at Monday as a sort of "vacation" for me. Not that my job is relaxing or easy, but I almost find it more challenging to be a housewife 24 hours a day than I do going to my job for 9 hours a day. Make no mistake, I still idolize June Cleaver, now more than ever, because it's hard to fit that role. I certainly don't wear pearls and heels around the house while doing my daily chores, nor do I stay ridiculously calm at all times. Alas, a mother's work is NEVER done. And there is no rest for me. Ever. I can't seem to get Brennan and Ethan's nap times in sync. (Yes, Brennan still takes a nap because sometimes that's what I need to keep that one last bit of sanity I have left from going AWOL.) There is no sleep at night. I'm beginning to feel like a walking zombie. I even had one person tell me recently just how tired I looked. Really? I thought I looked pretty o.k. considering I'm awake 24 hours a day and I'm a walking "diner" for Ethan. No, really. I thought I looked o.k. But, thanks for clarifying that for me. Maybe Monday I can actually sneak a nap during the few minutes we usually get for lunch. There is a dental chair calling my name.......And obviously some much needed beauty sleep to be had.

A rose is just a rose....

Unless it's this one! There's no greater joy in parenthood than things such as tacky gifts and crazy artwork. This particular picture falls into the tacky gifts category. Brennan won it for me at the fair, even though there was something else he wanted for himself. It's something I'll ALWAYS treasure and keep on display for everyone to see just how fun it is to be a mom.

Yesterday Chad and I met with our preacher before evening church. I had asked him for his input on the issue of returning to school. Our preacher is actually our interim preacher. He is an EXTREMELY successful C.P.A. with a very successful business. I thought he of all people would know what to tell me as far as what I should be feeling about going back to school. After all, he decided to go to seminary and get his degree when he already had it all in life. He is still an active C.P.A. and still runs his own firm and is still very successful. I just wondered what he heard from God that maybe I should be hearing too.

He told me there are two ways to know if a situation is right or not: Joy and peace: Does it bring joy to me and others and to God? And, am I at total peace with the situation? So far, I feel both about the decision, but I still feel very nervous about the idea of returning to school period. I have decided to take just one class this spring semester and "get my feet wet" and see how I feel after taking a class. I may even take an ACT prep class and start to get myself mentally prepared to take that over again. That will be my biggest bump in the road. I despise the thought of taking it over, but I'm paying for mistakes I made earlier in life. I just have to deal with it.

So far, I have not felt "wrong" about the decision. I have had a few people tell me that my boys should come first and I should rethink the decision to go back right now. But, I'm not in a huge rush to get through school, so I will not have a full load until later. I still love my job and plan on staying there as long as it is possible. I will still be at home with my boys during the day-- with the two days I work as an exception. Even when I do finish my prerequisites, there is still going to be a waiting list to get into nursing school. I can wait my turn. It's all about God's timing, not mine-- if this is even something I go through with. Only time will tell.....

Too cute.....

This morning's email.....

I sent an email to almost everyone on my contact list this morning (read below) and after some encouraging words and good advice I did the unthinkable.....

So, as of 5 minutes ago I bit the bullet and applied to Hinds after talking to a couple of recruiters (one at the nursing school and one at the Rankin campus.) I thought I was hitting a roadblock already because when I talked to the recruiter at Rankin he thought I would have to have a little more math than what I was going to be ready for. So, I got really frustrated. Turns out that I don't even have to have College Algebra to get in the program. BUT, I will have to take my ACT over again because school was a joke to me ten years ago (I thought I would marry some rich Prince Charming who would whisk me away to his castle in the woods OR his mansion on the beach) and my math sub-score was a little bit lower than what they require to get into the nursing program. So, no big deal, right? I just take some ACT prep classes, take a deep breath and dive right in.....


THIS MORNING'S EMAIL:
I have a seemingly small, but somewhat complicated prayer request. I have been having somewhat of a mental battle. It sounds a little stupid, but I'm trying to decide on enrolling in school again. I have been battling with this for the past few years, but it's really been on my mind heavily the past few months. I know people go back to school all the time after being married and having kids, but I am so intimidated at the thought of opening another schoolbook and studying and homework and projects..... I have never been a good student and have hated school with a passion all my life. Of course now I feel like I would be a better student having learned a few life lessons along the way, and seeing just how hard it is to make it financially these days. That would certainly be my motivation-- finances.

I also get a little worried about student loans. We owe a small fortune (or in our case-- a HUGE fortune) to Mississippi College from Chad's time in school. I know it will be worth it in the long run, but I can't imagine owing another dime in school loans. What I want to go to school for, I know there are programs that would pay my loans for me if I sign a contract to work a certain place for a specific time, but then I would be signing onto a job that has the potential to be hated.

I really want to go to nursing school. Of course if I could go back and see into my future I would've aimed for dental school, but let's face it, I would be in school for the next 10 years of my life and owe 100 grand in student loans. I want to stay in the healthcare field because I love working with others. I certainly feel my spiritual gift is showing compassion for people who are in need and people who are hurting. I feel like God is leading me, but I'm not sure if it's His voice I'm hearing, or if it's me talking back to myself. This morning after waking up with Ethan at 4:45, I never fell back asleep because I felt like God was talking to me-- or I was having a conversation with myself. I prayed for a bit and now I'm asking for others to pray with me. I'm not one of these who can listen to a whisper from God like some can. God usually has to get my attention by taking something away or by changing something drastically in my life. I dont' want Him to use those means to get my attention this time, so I'm trying to "be still and listen".

I'm afraid NOT of being a nurse, but of being a terrible nursing student. Again, I'm a horrible student. I learn by hands-on and I think I'm a pretty intelligent person, MOST of the time. I'm just not good at focusing and paying attention to schoolbooks and lectures. I'm terrified of taking the first step and of being sure that this is what God wants me to do. Last year I did the unthinkable PHYSICALLY by training for a marathon and finishing a marathon. So if I can take that physical challenge, maybe it's time to exercise my brain and challenge myself mentally. When I was in the hospital with Ethan I had some GREAT nurses. I want to be a great caregiver to others. That is what got me really thinking hard again. So, I'm asking for everyone to add me to their daily prayer list. I need some help.

Brennan and the Pumpkin Patch...

Every year our church has a huge pumpkin patch for the community. Chad had to help unload all these pumpkins on Saturday. There were over 500. They had it open to church members after church yesterday. It's almost become a tradition for us every fall. Brennan was so excited about it. I had to miss going because I was sick this weekend. But, he had a great time and picked out 5 pumpkins to bring home. What we're going to do with 5 pumpkins, I haven't a clue.