Today is the day. The same day I have been dreading since......well, probably since birth. The day I thought would never get here because I would never live to be so OLD. Yes, it's my birthday. I am officially in the "dirty thirty" club and I am not liking how it sounds to admit to myself that I'm 30. I know what most are thinking--- 30 is still so YOUNG. Thirty is one of the best years of life. Yes, I've heard it all. It may be true. And quite frankly, my problem is not being 30, but how fast 30 got here. Where in the HECK did my 20's go? Not that I would want them back........
So, to put a new perspective on "aging"---- Time has flown faster than I can even comprehend--- I've been really upset about entering a new decade of birthdays, but then again, like I said, I wouldn't want to go back and do my 20's over for ANYTHING. Those were some mighty rough years with a lot of rough spots and I'm surprised I only emerged with just a few emotional (maybe some mental?) scars. I married young, started having babies young (a whopping 22 when I gave birth to Brennan), and I started LIFE young. I was bound to make a few mistakes. However, the mistakes I made hurt --very deeply-- a lot of people. Both directly and indirectly. Regardless of anything I've done and the things I still struggle with, I am sort of relieved to see my 20's go. It's sort of a love/hate feeling I have towards now being 30. I guess I owe it most to my family, especially my husband, for sticking by me through every single stupid thing I've done and for not giving up on me.
My friend, Adrienne, sent me a text today wishing me a happy birthday and asking what my plans were for my special day. To which I replied how I would be filling my day with the usual "mommy" duties---- taking Brennan to swim lessons, taking the dog to the vet, taking Brennan for a haircut (and an eyebrow wax for me), and then meet the teachers tonight at school. (I didn't include the parts about bathing the dog, scrubbing the tub, toilets, and sinks, and washing a load of laundry). I guess to me that is the perfect way to celebrate my birthday, as dull as it sounds. Being home with my 2 children and doing the things that God has called me to do (even as small and insignificant as cleaning a toilet.) Don't get me wrong-- a weekend on the beach with a fruity little drink, or a nice relaxing dinner with a bottle of bubbly would be FABULOUS right now. But, dreaming is still nice.
So, being 30 isn't so bad--- it's just how fast it got here. I never thought I'd see the day and now suddenly it's almost come and gone and each second is a second I should cherish with my children--- because before I know it, THEY will be turning 30 and I will still be scratching my head wondering where the time went. I am thankful for this new decade of birthdays. Each day of my 20's was a stepping stone (some ridiculously painful) to getting me to where I am now, and changing me into who I am becoming. I know God's not through with me yet. He still has some mighty big plans in store--- otherwise I'd be a mess right now.
I will miss my grandfather's call on my birthday today. It's one of those phone calls that I admit I always took for granted. I took for granted a lot of things when he was still alive. I'm sort of secretly grieving over that part 2 months later. But, I know if he could, he would be wishing me the best birthday yet and he would give me his sweet little card with a sweet note inside like always.
For this day of birthdays and reflection, I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 3. A powerful reminder from the Bible of how fleeting life on earth is and how God calls for good everything under the sun that is His creation.
Ecclesiastes 3
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
On a side note--- Brennan starts SECOND GRADE Monday. Can you believe it? I know, I can't either. I'm usually in Nicaragua this time of summer, so I have not ever been able to go to meet the teacher night. This is a first for me! I'd still rather be in Nicaragua because I'm sure I will get to know his teacher VERY well by the end of this school year. I am in shock over having a 2nd grader in this family!!!
Hope everyone is enjoying these last days of summer. It has been a scorcher for this pregnant girl! Fall cannot get here fast enough. That's my favorite time of year anyway. I am counting down the days!!!!