Can I be Sleeping Beauty for Halloween this year?

I. Am. So. Tired. What I wouldn't give for 8 solid hours of uninterrupted sleep. I don't remember feeling quite so tired with the first child. Of course, I didn't nurse the first time around, so Daddy got to help with Baby a lot more. My think-tank is running on empty and I can't quite shake this urge of wanting to lie down and sleep for 100 years. Just like Sleeping Beauty did. Only she didn't need her beauty sleep. She was already beautiful. I'm in desperate need of it. I'd even like an hour to lie on the couch and take a nap. Just. One. Good. Nap.

Math Wizard I am NOT!

I must have the word "SUCKER" written across my forehead in flashing neon lights. So, I'm at Kroger with both boys. I have my four-year old talking non-stop to whoever or WHATEVER will listen. I'm carrying my hefty 7 week old in the carrier and trying to get around an elderly couple who can't seem to make it in the door fast enough. I finally get to the buggies and I KNEW what was going to happen next. I saw HIM out of the corner of my eyes...

There he was: An intelligent, well-spoken, nice- looking, he's-been-trained-to-spot-a-sucker-from-a-mile-away, smiling salesman. He strikes up a conversation about the baby and how he remembers when his children were that little. As I was waiting for him to come in for the kill, I hesitated---instead of taking off through the doors to continue my grocery shopping. It was that brief moment of hesitation that he got me. He could smell it from a thousand miles away. "I've got her now!" There was nowhere I could go, nothing I could do, but listen to the sales pitch. I am a sucker. And never mind that there were about four other people who walked through the doors at the EXACT same time as me! He knew my kind.

So, somehow in his convincing sales pitch, he talks me into subscribing to the Clarion Ledger for about the fifth time in the past three years. I explained to him that I always cancel my subscription because of bad service. He continues to convince me that THIS TIME will be different. THEN he really does it-- he whips out the Kroger gift card and dangles it in front of my face like I am a dog and that is the steak. "The first month is on us!!!", BUT--he slyly throws this in somewhere in all his jargon, "I need your debit card or a check". Still staring at the gift card I handed him my debit card. What was I thinking? Somehow he made the whole deal seem really sweet, when in reality, I still feel like I paid for that subscription. It took me awhile to think about it AFTER I walked away and then I started driving myself nuts about it. He took $10.75 out of my checking account, but handed me a $10 gift card. I spent $30 at the grocery store, but only paid $20 after I used my gift card. BUT, he still took $10 out of my account. Somehow this just doesn't make sense. I know it took $10 off my bill, but he took $10 from me. So in other words, $30 still came out of my checking account that day. If the first month was really on him, why didn't he just give me a free month. There's a catch in there somewhere and he saw the word "SUCKER" written across my forehead. See, this is why I am not a math major AND why I am not allowed to balance our checkbook, AND why it's convenient to be married to an accountant. Where was he when I needed him?

So, I finally did get understanding of the whole situation. Even though I paid $30, instead of JUST walking away with groceries, I got a month "free" from the Clarion Ledger. I still feel as though I got ripped off. An I still feel dirty and used!

Saturday

We made a trip to the Ag Museum on Saturday. Brennan absolutely loved it! They had it decorated for their Halloween Carnival that night-- some of it was a little too over-the-top for someone Brennan's age, so we had to emphasize it was just for Halloween. Just pretend. But, we had a great time and plan on going back when they have their Christmas decorations up. (P.S. Christmas is around the corner.... I am SO excited! I wish I could put up my decorations YESTERDAY!)

A mother's work is never done....

Well, Monday is the big day for me. Not a HUGE day by any means, but a stepping stone in the world of "mommyhood". It is the day I return to work for the first time in 6 weeks. Which, I know isn't really that big of a deal seeing as how I only work 2 days a week. But, considering I haven't left Ethan for more than 3 hours since he's been born, it's still a little sad. I do find much comfort in knowing my mother will be taking care of him and I won't have to take him to a stranger for childcare.

I'm actually looking at Monday as a sort of "vacation" for me. Not that my job is relaxing or easy, but I almost find it more challenging to be a housewife 24 hours a day than I do going to my job for 9 hours a day. Make no mistake, I still idolize June Cleaver, now more than ever, because it's hard to fit that role. I certainly don't wear pearls and heels around the house while doing my daily chores, nor do I stay ridiculously calm at all times. Alas, a mother's work is NEVER done. And there is no rest for me. Ever. I can't seem to get Brennan and Ethan's nap times in sync. (Yes, Brennan still takes a nap because sometimes that's what I need to keep that one last bit of sanity I have left from going AWOL.) There is no sleep at night. I'm beginning to feel like a walking zombie. I even had one person tell me recently just how tired I looked. Really? I thought I looked pretty o.k. considering I'm awake 24 hours a day and I'm a walking "diner" for Ethan. No, really. I thought I looked o.k. But, thanks for clarifying that for me. Maybe Monday I can actually sneak a nap during the few minutes we usually get for lunch. There is a dental chair calling my name.......And obviously some much needed beauty sleep to be had.

A rose is just a rose....

Unless it's this one! There's no greater joy in parenthood than things such as tacky gifts and crazy artwork. This particular picture falls into the tacky gifts category. Brennan won it for me at the fair, even though there was something else he wanted for himself. It's something I'll ALWAYS treasure and keep on display for everyone to see just how fun it is to be a mom.

Yesterday Chad and I met with our preacher before evening church. I had asked him for his input on the issue of returning to school. Our preacher is actually our interim preacher. He is an EXTREMELY successful C.P.A. with a very successful business. I thought he of all people would know what to tell me as far as what I should be feeling about going back to school. After all, he decided to go to seminary and get his degree when he already had it all in life. He is still an active C.P.A. and still runs his own firm and is still very successful. I just wondered what he heard from God that maybe I should be hearing too.

He told me there are two ways to know if a situation is right or not: Joy and peace: Does it bring joy to me and others and to God? And, am I at total peace with the situation? So far, I feel both about the decision, but I still feel very nervous about the idea of returning to school period. I have decided to take just one class this spring semester and "get my feet wet" and see how I feel after taking a class. I may even take an ACT prep class and start to get myself mentally prepared to take that over again. That will be my biggest bump in the road. I despise the thought of taking it over, but I'm paying for mistakes I made earlier in life. I just have to deal with it.

So far, I have not felt "wrong" about the decision. I have had a few people tell me that my boys should come first and I should rethink the decision to go back right now. But, I'm not in a huge rush to get through school, so I will not have a full load until later. I still love my job and plan on staying there as long as it is possible. I will still be at home with my boys during the day-- with the two days I work as an exception. Even when I do finish my prerequisites, there is still going to be a waiting list to get into nursing school. I can wait my turn. It's all about God's timing, not mine-- if this is even something I go through with. Only time will tell.....

Too cute.....

This morning's email.....

I sent an email to almost everyone on my contact list this morning (read below) and after some encouraging words and good advice I did the unthinkable.....

So, as of 5 minutes ago I bit the bullet and applied to Hinds after talking to a couple of recruiters (one at the nursing school and one at the Rankin campus.) I thought I was hitting a roadblock already because when I talked to the recruiter at Rankin he thought I would have to have a little more math than what I was going to be ready for. So, I got really frustrated. Turns out that I don't even have to have College Algebra to get in the program. BUT, I will have to take my ACT over again because school was a joke to me ten years ago (I thought I would marry some rich Prince Charming who would whisk me away to his castle in the woods OR his mansion on the beach) and my math sub-score was a little bit lower than what they require to get into the nursing program. So, no big deal, right? I just take some ACT prep classes, take a deep breath and dive right in.....


THIS MORNING'S EMAIL:
I have a seemingly small, but somewhat complicated prayer request. I have been having somewhat of a mental battle. It sounds a little stupid, but I'm trying to decide on enrolling in school again. I have been battling with this for the past few years, but it's really been on my mind heavily the past few months. I know people go back to school all the time after being married and having kids, but I am so intimidated at the thought of opening another schoolbook and studying and homework and projects..... I have never been a good student and have hated school with a passion all my life. Of course now I feel like I would be a better student having learned a few life lessons along the way, and seeing just how hard it is to make it financially these days. That would certainly be my motivation-- finances.

I also get a little worried about student loans. We owe a small fortune (or in our case-- a HUGE fortune) to Mississippi College from Chad's time in school. I know it will be worth it in the long run, but I can't imagine owing another dime in school loans. What I want to go to school for, I know there are programs that would pay my loans for me if I sign a contract to work a certain place for a specific time, but then I would be signing onto a job that has the potential to be hated.

I really want to go to nursing school. Of course if I could go back and see into my future I would've aimed for dental school, but let's face it, I would be in school for the next 10 years of my life and owe 100 grand in student loans. I want to stay in the healthcare field because I love working with others. I certainly feel my spiritual gift is showing compassion for people who are in need and people who are hurting. I feel like God is leading me, but I'm not sure if it's His voice I'm hearing, or if it's me talking back to myself. This morning after waking up with Ethan at 4:45, I never fell back asleep because I felt like God was talking to me-- or I was having a conversation with myself. I prayed for a bit and now I'm asking for others to pray with me. I'm not one of these who can listen to a whisper from God like some can. God usually has to get my attention by taking something away or by changing something drastically in my life. I dont' want Him to use those means to get my attention this time, so I'm trying to "be still and listen".

I'm afraid NOT of being a nurse, but of being a terrible nursing student. Again, I'm a horrible student. I learn by hands-on and I think I'm a pretty intelligent person, MOST of the time. I'm just not good at focusing and paying attention to schoolbooks and lectures. I'm terrified of taking the first step and of being sure that this is what God wants me to do. Last year I did the unthinkable PHYSICALLY by training for a marathon and finishing a marathon. So if I can take that physical challenge, maybe it's time to exercise my brain and challenge myself mentally. When I was in the hospital with Ethan I had some GREAT nurses. I want to be a great caregiver to others. That is what got me really thinking hard again. So, I'm asking for everyone to add me to their daily prayer list. I need some help.

Brennan and the Pumpkin Patch...

Every year our church has a huge pumpkin patch for the community. Chad had to help unload all these pumpkins on Saturday. There were over 500. They had it open to church members after church yesterday. It's almost become a tradition for us every fall. Brennan was so excited about it. I had to miss going because I was sick this weekend. But, he had a great time and picked out 5 pumpkins to bring home. What we're going to do with 5 pumpkins, I haven't a clue.

Good Luck!

I know all my running friends are in Chicago right now, so they won't read this before the race, but they are all in my prayers. Wish I could be there to cheer them on. The night before the big race is always a little stressful. Hopefully everyone will get plenty of rest--but even if they don't, there will be plenty of adrenaline pumping through their veins bright and early. I know everyone will do great and this year's marathon will be 100 times better than last year. I've signed all of my old running buddies up to be tracked, so every time they reach a split time I'll be getting a text message. My phone is going to explode with all the messages I'll be getting. Better remember to silence it for church. Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with them all and I wish I could have been there this year! (Sort of....)

Mint

I found this GREAT website that I think everyone should try out. I can't remember where I heard about it from, but the website is www.mint.com. It's free and it helps you put your finances into perspective. It has charts and graphs and it lets you see exactly what your spending habits are and exactly where you should cut back. It even sends you text messages if you end up going over your designated budget for something. If you have any credit card debt, it shows you how much you end up paying in interest in the long run, which a lot of times is more than the amount that's been charged on the card. I told Chad about it and we haven't signed up yet, but that's one of our projects this weekend. He's going to sit down and sign us up. It will be really great for me because I have nothing to do with balancing our checkbook or paying our bills. This way I can see what we spend where and exactly what we need to be cutting back on. The little things add up fast. Chad brings his lunch to work most everyday, but I've had to tell him to quit going to Wendy's or wherever to buy a .99 cents drink everyday. That's some of the little things that add up fast. If he does that 5 days a week for 52 weeks of the year that adds up to over $300. So now I have been packing him a "Sam's Choice" diet coke in his lunch. ($1.67 for a whole case of 12!)

A couple of new pictures....

Fireproof-- The Trailer

Fireproof

So, yesterday Chad and I went to see the best movie ever. It's called "Fireproof". It stars Kirk Cameron and it's made by the same people who did "Facing the Giants" and "Flywheel". A Baptist church out of Albany, Georgia did this movie.

One word to describe this movie: Incredible. There's nothing fancy about it, while there are a few action, hold-your-breath scenes, there's not anything "Hollywood" about it. It's real. And that's what makes it so incredible. The only "real" actor in it is Kirk Cameron. All the others were cast out of the church who made it.

"Fireproof" is about marriage. And what it takes to save a marriage. And what it takes to keep a marriage going. Whether you have the seemingly perfect marriage, or your marriage is on the rocks--even if you ever plan on just being married, this movie is something you have to see. I cried through the whole movie. And I never cry during movies. The movie was so real to Chad and me both. There are issues in this movie that we can relate to. We've "been there, done that" and have the t-shirt to prove it. I knew that it would be a powerful movie because I have heard people talking about it and they showed a clip in church yesterday. So on the way to the theater yesterday I prayed. I prayed that the message in the movie would speak to me and speak to Chad and that we would walk away from it with exactly what God would want us to. When we got in the car to leave we started talking about what an incredible movie it was, and I started crying like a baby all over again. Chad even wants to buy it when it comes out on DVD and he even said it would be something he'd like to have in case he ever comes across someone having issues in their marriage in order to let them have the copy to watch.

Although this movie was made by a Baptist church and it's primarily Baptists who are promoting it, it doesn't matter what religion you are or even if you are or are not that religious. It has the potential to change your ways of thinking and your life.

One line in the movie they always kept referring back to: "Never leave your partner in a fire."

All in a day.....

Well, I thought today would be a good day. I really did. I stepped outside this morning and was so excited to smell autumn in the air. There's something about this time of the year that I really love. It does something magical to me. I look forward to fall every year. My heart just melts when I see all the pumpkins and mums for sale at all the local stores and the fruit stand on 49. And not to mention that smell that seems to be in the air every fall.

So, when I actually got in my car on this beautiful fall morning, (*gasp* I actually LEFT my house for the first time in a WEEK) I was all smiles. It was cool outside and the sun was shining-- not one cloud in the sky. So, I made it to my first stop-- the dental office where I work. That was fine for the most part, my co-workers got to see (or better yet HEAR) my four-year old and got to see the baby. Of course Brennan was all chit-chatty, not that that's anything new. But, Ethan started to get fussy so we decided to go. On our way out to the car, Brennan decides he wants to save all the leaves out in the parking lot. I don't know if he thought this was part of being "green" and helping the environment or if he thought he was going to take them all home and make a collage out of them. For whatever reason, he wanted every stinkin' leaf he saw. It didn't take long for me to lose my patience. He puts what he's gathered on the floorboard of the car. You know, along with all the other junk down there I mentioned last week. I refused to allow this, so I threw most of his leaves out the door when I was buckling him in. Long story short, we had another meltdown. TOTAL meltdown. He started, and I finished. I think the three of us were trying to decide who could cry the loudest in the car. It was a tie between Brennan and me.

So, we pull up at Chad's grandmother's apartment and I had to finish drying MY tears. If Chad's grandmother had not baked us brownies and wanted me to bring lunch, I would have taken Brennan straight home and put him to bed, but his grandmother loves seeing us and enjoys company. As I go around to the other side of the car to get Ethan out, some rude, disrespectful persoon has "misplaced" their chewing gum. Guess who steps in it? Not a little. A lot. And the more I tried to get out of it, the stickier my predicament seemed to get (no pun intended). All the while Brennan is whining to Memaw about his leaves and how I threw them out the door and he wanted them all back.

Now, I don't want people going and getting the idea that I have a complete brat for a child, because he's not. Not at all. But lately, his "bratty" moments have been happening more oft than not, and I'm sure it has to do with the adjustments around the house. Although he's a good helper and shows no animosity whatsoever TOWARDS his new baby brother. I just think his meltdowns are his way of coping with the changes lately. Hopefully it won't last too much longer.....

Well,when we finally make it inside, I actually got a few minutes of peace. Brennan has calmed down, I have calmed down, we are all eating lunch in peace. Even Ethan. Rest assured, that was short-lived. Memaw wants to hold Ethan and Brennan proceeds to get jealous. He wanted every bit of her attention on him. He's only like that with her for some reason. (Maybe because she spoils him the most?!) So she gives Ethan back to me and not much later he starts getting fussy. And he stayed fussy. Apparently I ate something at some point that didn't agree with him. We finally had to leave because he wouldn't stop screaming this high-pitched scream. He finally falls asleep in the car. Whew. I really believe in that old adage, "God has a sense of humor". Especially when it comes to me. I finally venture out to get out of these walls that are closing in, and try to enjoy a nice, peaceful outing. Obviously, that's not my thing.

I return home, to my humble house. As I pass Ethan's room, I noticed an odd yellow-colored spot in the middle of the white carpet. I go to investigate. Still wet. Obviously the dog had something she needed to dish out with me, so she went tinkle all over the floor. Something she hasn't done in probably over a year. But, hey why not?! It's all in a day, right?