Heartbreak.....

Well, for those of you who like to keep up with my blog, you may notice that it's been almost a week since my last post. There's one reason for that: I've hit a wall. Actually, I've had plenty to blog about, but the plain and simple truth is that I get tired of depressing any readers of my blog with bad, sorrowful news. But, I guess I just feel compelled to blog anyway. So forgive me. My intentions are not to always be a "Debbie Downer". It's just that a lot of people around me are hurting and struggling so bad in some way lately.

I've received several text messages from completely different individuals asking to be prayed for just over the course of the past week. Then just yesterday a sweet, amazing couple lost their baby. Natalie was 3 weeks from her due date, and her pregnancy was going just as it should. No complications, no issues to speak of. And suddenly, she delivered a stillborn angel. I just love this couple. They have a daughter who is Ethan's age. And Paul (the father of the baby and husband to Natalie) has a brother who is also expecting a baby soon with his wife. So it will be that much harder for Paul and Natalie to grieve knowing that they would have had a child the same age. What should be a joyous occasion, now has turned into heartbreak.

I cannot imagine the pain and heartache and suffering associated with losing a child of any age. When I was pregnant with Brennan I had some issues when I was only 10 weeks along. I was at work and I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I thought I was miscarrying. I remember the panic and heartache that set in immediately. I had a full blown panic attack. And from the time that the initial panic set in, to the time I was in the small, dark room at the doctor's office getting an ultrasound done, felt like an eternity. I would not relive those hours for anything. I also remember looking over at Chad as we watched the heartbeat on the screen telling us everything was okay and seeing tears in his eyes. There could not have been a bigger burden lifted off of our shoulders at that moment. My situation ended up fine. I was put on bed rest for several days, and everything turned out okay.

Just the pain I experienced THINKING I was about to lose a child was all I could stand. I cannot imagine losing a child and not being able to wake up from the nightmare. Coming home to a nursery meant for my unborn child. Coming home to silence. Coming home with empty arms. These are all scenarios I can't wrap my thoughts around.

This year has been hard. Last year was full of tragedy. This year has made last year's seem like a walk in the park. My prayers are with Natalie and Paul yesterday, today, and for months to come. If you are reading this and have ever lost a child, you know the grief they are experiencing. Please-- lift them up. Even though their baby will never, ever experience pain and suffering and heartache in this world, the parents and family left behind will forever feel a void and a hole in their hearts.