Things to know before having a child......

Fifteen things you should know before having a baby.  (And they are in no particular order!)

#. 1. If you're waiting for just the "right time" and/or waiting until you make a little more money.... Simple advice: things don't always go as planned. There will never be "enough" money, and there will never be a "right time". Remember that Big Guy in the sky? Yeah, He has a sense of humor..... But more importantly He has a plan for you. And your future child. Pray above all else. Then the rest will happen as God ordains. As long you put HIM first. 

#2. One kid is great. Bedtime at 8:00, Mommy time at 8:05. Good, full 7 to 8 hours of sleep. One mouth to feed one kid to please. Two kids.... A little more challenging, but still a piece of cake. One kid per parent. Outings are still doable, tantrums are still manageable, and toys are more pick-upable (I'm aware I just made up my own word, thankyouverymuch). Anything more than 2...... Well, it's just one tent away from a full blown circus. And trust me, there are times I think about charging admission to get inside the walls of our home. But the thing is, I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

#3. Trying to clean a house from top to bottom while kids are present--- even if they're nowhere around as you clean--- as in, if you expect them home within 24 hours of cleaning, you would be get much better results if you a.) ate Oreos while brushing your teeth. Or b.)shoveled snow in the midst of a blizzard.

#4. If your kids never pay attention to a word you utter, they WILL (and you can take this to the bank) repeat every last curse word or name calling you so much as mumble under your breath. Believe me. I've been a mom for 8 years and I still haven't learned this lesson!

#5. Kids are so innocent. So incredibly, beautifully innocent. So breathtakingly innocent. Don't ruin it by teaching them that the world owes them and that whatever "god" exists to you is not a good God. And that karma exists to payback evil deeds. Karma does not exist. Satan does. And a man named Jesus bled and died for ALL evil. Give them the chance to at least try that "theory" out. Read to them stories straight from Scripture. And if you're not a Christ-follower yourself, don't blow their chance before they can even think on their own.  You want them to be independent, right?! Give them the opportunity to hear from the best selling book of all time. 

#6. Divorced or married..... Don't ever say negative things about your child's other parent. It's like feeding them a poison that will slowly kill them a little inside with each insult hurled. No child deserves to receive such deadly poison.

#7. Moms: your body will never, EVER be the same. Ever. I don't care how many marathons you run, or how many spin classes you take. With each child your body changes irreversibly. But you know.... Sometimes we struggle with what looks back in the mirror or what number the scales mock us with. However, there has NEVEREVEREVER been a body more beautiful than the one who has held another soul's heartbeat, felt the first kick of life, or experienced the joy of smelling a newborn baby straight from the center of love: a mother's womb. 

#8. Dads: Man up. Treat your wife, your mother, and your sister the way you would expect your baby girl to be treated one day. Set her standards so stinkin' high so  that she won't ever feel the desire to fall for a Bozo, but a Prince Charming. A REAL Prince Charming. After all, you are her king.  Lead her to a prince. If you have a son, show them what it means to be a man. Chivalry isn't dead. Being polite isn't dead. It's not common anymore, but its not dead. Carry on that torch, and proudly hand it to your son one day.

#9. Sleepless nights, or those first few months of midnight feedings with baby are made 110% better if you have a television in your room. Or Facebook on your phone. Not only is it entertainment to keep you from going insane, but it serves as a GREAT nightlight.  

#10. Breastfeeding is all wonderful and great until someone gets bit. 

#11. It's okay to stand back and watch your kids fail at something. Whether its a sticky situation they've gotten themselves into, or something they thought they could handle, but bit off more than they could chew. Bailing your kids out of every difficult situation is not preparing them for real life in the real world. It's a tough world out there. And one day, they will have to face it without you holding their hand and guiding their every step. But when they DO fail, you can still offer to dry their tears or mend their hearts back together. 

#12. Date your children. As in, take them out on real dates. Dads, bring your daughter flowers, open her car door, treat her to dinner at her restaurant of choice (even if its Chuck E Cheese's a.k.a. Hell on Earth).

#13.  Please don't raise your children so that they think the world revolves around them.  Because it doesn't.  And it's a GREAT, BIG world out there.  And the world is not afraid to put people in their rightful places.  

#14.  Make your children drink plenty of water and eat fruits and vegetables early on.  You can avoid a lot of bad habits by this advice.  (And I have learned after 3 children, I should have heeded this advice myself!)

#15.  For the love of Pete!  Make your children BRUSH THEIR TEETH.  It really is not funny to see children who have a mouthful of problems before they go to kindergarten.  It's not cute either.  I don't care if you have to straddle them bucking and screaming to get a toothbrush in their mouth.  Believe me, it's worth the fight.