I AM selfish...

I just checked my Facebook account because several people had left me sweet comments this morning. (Thank you.) I ran into Matt Hall's note. I had no idea what had happened in the past couple of days. I can't imagine what he is going through and I started crying because I realize my issue seems so small in comparison to what he's dealing with. (For those of you who don't know him, he just found out his baby boy--who is 10 weeks old-- has a tumor on his brain, and they're waiting for the results to find out if it is malignant or not. They rushed him to the E.R. Thursday night after he was screaming with pain, and that's how they found it.) I feel so selfish for being so stressed in my situation. I CANNOT fathom ever going through a situation such as that. My heart hurts for them, and I feel like I should be ashamed of myself for letting MY situation get to me the way it has, when I could be dealing with a situation such as Matt's. All they can do is sit and wait and watch their precious baby suffer in ICU as he recovers from his brain surgery and awaits news if he will have to undergo chemo or not. Please pray for this family. My heart is breaking for them.

I just got home from a TAIL-KICKING A.C.T. When I got home, the house was a mess, and the mail had an envelope from Lane Bryant. My credit report had been pulled because someone was trying to apply for credit. THANKFULLY the fraud alert on my credit report worked. Then a little while later, Target called and wanted to know if I had just recently applied for a credit card through them. WHEN WILL THIS END????? I am so stressed. My house is a disaster, I have a test Monday night, and someone is having a shopping excursion using MY good name. This too shall pass??? I'm ready....

I know that by now the news of the woman having octuplets last week is old. But, I just read a little of her story. She already has six children, she's unemployed BECAUSE of a bad back, and she's single. I think she must also be LOCO. What is wrong with any medical professional who can justify her background with having eight MORE babies? I know what my doctor would have told me if I were in her situation. Besides, she has a BAD BACK. I can tell you what carrying one baby at a time did to my back. This world has gone MAD!!!

A bad day....

I'm trying my best to muddle through this theft situation one day at a time. Some days are definitely better than others. Today is NOT one of those days. I just feel overwhelmed and sad. Yesterday I did fine. Today is bad. And I'm supposed to be taking the ACT at 8:00 in the morning, AND I have another test on Monday night. The test will be on Chemistry. If it were anything but that, I would be a little less overwhelmed. I failed high school Chemistry. This is something that I am NOT looking forward to. I didn't know we had to review Chemistry for an Anatomy and Physiology class.

I know that people face bigger issues than me everyday. But, that doesn't make my situation any less worse for me to deal with. I have to take it in small steps. I can only fill out one identity theft report at a time, and then I have to walk away from it for the rest of the day. Anger is an issue I am constantly battling with. I got on my knees in prayer last night, and begged for help in all my issues-- school, ACT, and my anger and theft case. I can't quite turn it over solely to God. I still feel so angry--I think it's even hurt my feelings that someone could do this to someone else.

Of course, then last night Ethan decided to wake up four times between the hours of 10:30 and 6:00. As if I didn't already have enough trouble sleeping, every time I wake up with him I can't fall back asleep right away. I just feel like my life isn't slowing down anytime soon. I just want to lock myself in a room somewhere with a good book and stay there for an entire day. And not have to worry about ANYTHING but finishing the book. But, I must carry on....

Okay. Coincidence or God speaking? I did not get another email from K-Love until today. The encouraging word of the day was this: In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
~ Psalm 5:3, NLT
Hmmm.... Goes right along with the two verses from Sunday......

Facing my giant...

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I'm on the computer trying to get some sort of "away" time. Away from textbooks and the dining room table filled with affidavits and paperwork. I went to the AG's office to file a formal complaint, but now I feel more stressed out than ever. There is no black and white. It's all a gray area. I am so overwhelmed that I feel like I'm trying to keep my sanity.

The timing of all this couldn't be worse. As I sat down in my chair last night waiting for class to begin, my phone vibrated. It was Harley Davidson. I sent at least 20 pages of all the information they needed via certified mail, and they were calling to tell me that my driver's license would not be enough information to verify my proof of residency. I totally lost it. LOST. IT. When something traumatic happens to me, it's like my brain short circuits. Really. And I guess that's what happened at the moment she informed me of this. I went off on her to the point that I felt like I could have physically come through the phone and strangled her. And all she was doing was her job. Following the rules as she told me. Once I realized that she was only doing what she had to do, I apologized profusely. But this all occurred right as class was starting and I had my first test. It kicked my tail. I have been so consumed with this issue, that everything else has taken a backseat.

On top of the relentless red tape to deal with, I'm starting to become angrier and angrier at this person. How do these kind of people sleep at night? I ask for peace and I get it. But, I'm human. Every time I have to load the kids up, drive to the post office or AG's office, or stand in line at the post office, or pay $8 to mail forms via certified mail, I just get irritated beyond control. I feel like this will haunt me for a long time. And it will.

I let my mother borrow a book recently. It's called "Facing the Giants" by Max Lucado. Excellent book. She returned it to me yesterday. I think she's trying to tell me something. I really should go back and read through this book. It's all centered around King David in the Bible, and the book covers every "giant" you could possibly face. So in all the spare time that I have (yeah, right) I'm going to reread certain chapters of that book. I'm going to overcome this giant one stone at a time. *sigh*

A revelation?

I'm trying to decide if God is trying to tell me something. I have this new favorite song, and it's by a group called Third Day. The name of the song is "Revelation". The song just states how he's trying to find his way, and each road he takes is the wrong one, and he's asking God for a revelation. He wants God to show him what to do, where to go. It's a very powerful song, especially if you're actively seeking something in your life. So anyway, every time I get in the car, that song comes on the radio. If there is conversation between anyone in the car at that moment it must cease until the song is over. I love it that much. After hearing that song so many times, we were memorizing Brennan's Bible verse on the way to church (so I've been a little preoccupied until then) and the verse was "I will call on you God, and you will answer me." Psalm 17:6. We repeated it over and over and over. (Which, by the way, he was so cute when he said it in church this morning!) Well, when I got home from church, I checked my email and I had a Bible verse waiting for me from K-Love (the radio station). I never get daily emails from them, but this that was sent today of all days was "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" Jeremiah 33:3-4 I am wondering what is being revealed in my life. I know it's something, because I'm changing everyday, and I've had powerful things happening in my life. I'm not sure, but I feel like this is NO coincidence that these verses happened to be in my face on the same day.