I messed up.....

So I totally blew it this week. And, no, I don't mean on a diet or something of that nature. I guess part of my health issues are causing my brain to not function right. And, as I said earlier, it has caused me to feel not so chipper and on top of my game lately. I won't say what I did. Only God and maybe one other person knows besides me. But, lets just say I royally screwed up. I just wanted to crawl under my covers and never come out again. But then, as I was getting dressed and ready for work yesterday morning it occurred to me: This isn't as hard and as terrible as I'm convincing myself it is. There is just one simple solution. (This is the part where I slap myself upside the forehead and say, "DUUUUH!".) Just ask for forgiveness. That's all I was looking for. Someone to forgive me and tell me everything was going to be okay. It just took me longer than it should have to realize there is only One who can offer that to me. Sure, I could ask Chad for forgiveness, and he would forgive me. But, IT would still be there.

Then to really put the icing on the cake--- and I mean the really good, homemade, cream-cheesy icing--- as I was headed to work yesterday morning I heard a profound statement that hit me like a ton of bricks--- only good, soft bricks. The statement(s) went something like this: God doesn't want us to run away from our problems. He doesn't want us to run and hide and try to act like they don't exist and haven't happened. He wants us to sit in our problems. He wants us to sit there, and wait patiently on Him. He wants us to sit and seek Him and LISTEN for Him. Not RUN from all of our issues.

My goodness. That could not have been anymore than what I needed to hear at that exact moment. That was a God thing all the way around.

So yes, I truly screwed up. But then I faced it. I sat. And I wrote some of this in my prayer journal this morning: Dear God, I royally blew it. I did a really selfish, sinful thing. I know a sin is a sin in Your eyes, but help me. Help me to sit in my problems and wait on You and OBEY you. Help me to face it and not run from it. Forgive me for being the sinful creature I am-- and help me be less like ME and more like YOU.

Maybe I can put my big girl pants back on now, and move FORWARD instead of 2 steps backwards.