All the way my Savior leads me............

So the few people who knew my little "secret" the past few weeks know that I would ultimately come here to blog about it. I have to. It's my therapy and my journal-- so to speak.

For those of you who don't know I will tell you my "secret" and the lesson learned.

Back in June when we had a sonogram done to find out that the baby was a she, they also found something else. There was a cyst on the baby's brain. It's called a choroid plexus cyst. It happens in about 1% of pregnancies, and even though it is somewhat rare, it is more common than you would think. And trust me, I did a lot of research on the subject of it as soon as I got home from that visit. When my doctor told me, she was not overly concerned about it all. She reassured us that she truly felt like it would disappear on it's own and that nothing would come from it. However, in the rare cases that these cysts appear and something ends up being wrong, then that one thing that could be wrong would turn out to be something major. It can indicate a chromosomal defect. Like Down's Syndrome or something worse. But at the time, the baby was growing like normal and all of her organs and limbs seemed to be there and functioning just like a healthy baby's would. But anyone that's ever been a parent knows the fear that comes along with having children. We worry about them before they are born, while they are being born, and for the rest of our years as parents. So, when I heard the word cyst and brain together in one sentence it implanted that little nagging seed of worry. But my sweet doctor was very reassuring which really helped ease mine and Chad's worry.

Of course, when I had that sonogram, it was just a week or so after my grandfather passed away. I did not have the heart to tell my mother. I wanted to, because I tell her most everything, but I just couldn't bear to put her through it knowing she would have to worry about it for another 2 months before our next sonogram. But some of her nearest and dearest friends are strong Christian people and I trusted them to be secret keepers, but most importantly to be prayer warriors and they were faithful in doing so. I also had my own close friends that I trusted with my concerns and they, too, were faithful in praying. I had also asked them to pray for peace of mind for Chad and me both. I knew I couldn't go the next 2 months worrying day and night over what might or might not be. And peace of mind I definitely got. I am a natural-born worrier. I worry over everything. Some will even label me a worry wart. I am. I get it from my mother. Which is why I couldn't tell her. As a matter of fact, the only person in our entire family-- on both sides--- who we told was Chad's grandmother. I'm not even sure why we told her.

I know that these cysts disappear on their own all the time in pregnancies that it occurs in. But I do not find it a coincidence that I had a problem with a cyst on my uterus in the beginning of the pregnancy, which caused concern for miscarriage during the first trimester, then a cyst on the baby's brain, and both of them disappeared totally on their own. I believe, without a doubt, that it was the power of prayer. I also believe that prayer gave Chad and me peace that we needed. Anyone that knows me, knows that I worry the fool out of something. And I never really did with either situation. I just asked those that I trusted to pray, and I myself prayed, and God gave me just what I needed to get through these past 27 weeks.

As I was getting ready to go to the doctor this morning, I became really nervous though. More nervous than I expected. I literally got down on my knees beside my bed and prayed for God's will to be done-- regardless of what that was-- and whatever that sonogram showed, that He would give us the mercy and grace to deal with it. But before that I had searched for a verse to ease my worry. The one I came across was one that our preacher uses all the time in His sermons.

Hebrews 4:16

¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

It was just that verse as simple and short as it seemed that was just what I needed to ease my worry. Because it was then I did approach His throne of grace, and with confidence. Confidence that my God is a powerful, Sovereign healer and nothing is too big or small for Him. If I would only show that my trust lies in Him, He will give healing. And that's not to say that God will heal our diseases just because we ask Him to. But He gives us healing to get through our diseases and mercy and grace for each moment we suffer, hurt, or worry. He may not always heal us physically, but He can certainly heal our hearts.

It also reminds me of one of my favorite songs. We played this at my grandfather's funeral. It's a modern twist on the lyrics to the classic hymn "All the Way My Savior Leads Me".

All the way my Savior leads me;
Who have I to ask beside?
How could I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my guide?

All the way my Savior leads me;
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.

You lead me and keep me from falling.
You carry me close to Your heart.
And surely Your goodness and
Mercy will follow me.

All the way my Savior leads me;
O, the fullness of His love!
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood!
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings it's flight to realms of day,
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way!
Jesus led me all the way!

All the way my Savior leads me.
All the way my Savior leads me.