Self worth

I struggle with self esteem. Self worth. Self everything. I didn't ask to be this way. I don't want to be this way. I hate every aspect of being this way. 

This summer, I gained nearly 20 pounds from some medicine I was put on. Twenty pounds in a 6 week period. I have yet to shed the weight. And I have yet to shed the darkness that consumes me with this issue. 

In high school I tried to gain weight by eating a bag of Doritos and a Snickers bar and washing down it with a Coke for breakfast every morning. I couldn't even donate blood, I weighed so little. And now...... I'm 40 pounds heavier and if I thought I had self esteem issues then....... (I didn't date in high school..... No guy wanted anything to do with my insecure, shy, nerdy self......).... Well, my issues are even bigger now. I've proudly given birth to 3 beautiful children.  My body has changed. But my thoughts towards myself haven't. I struggle. It's a sin. I know. But my body screams loudly that I have had multiple children. 

Coming from someone who's never had a weight problem, well, this is a big deal. I don't like it. I know it doesn't measure my self worth. Or my beauty before my Creator. But I struggle. I'm proud of the babies I've brought forth. I wouldn't trade it for all the riches of this world..... But my flesh..... It struggles. 

So remember.... All you Mamas out there......God created you. He breathed you into life. He loves you. And He ordained you into being you AND the mother of beautiful children. No matter how much your body changes, you are worthy. Very worthy. God calls mothers as one of the highest beings on earth. Don't take it lightly. 

As for me........ I'll continue to remind myself of that......it's a struggle......