Tuesday, February 1, 2011

A Warning: TMI alert.....

Have I ever mentioned before that God has a sense of humor? I'm pretty sure I have, but just in case you didn't catch it the first 100 times I've said it, I'll say it again: God has a sense of humor. At least, that's how I like to look at it when something doesn't go as planned (or how I think it should go) and then things always work out for better in the end.

So goes our baby-making story. Still unsuccessful after 4 months. And I know what you're thinking. Four months and you're already worried about it? Well, seeing as how our first 2 kids came along before we even realized what happened, 4 months is a long time. Which is why I say God has a sense of humor. Chad and I both thought once again, bada-bing, bada-bam, here comes baby. WRONG. But I feel confident that God is trying to teach us something here. However I'm not sure if it's patience, pain tolerance, or just learning to trust in God over something we thought we had total control over.

Once Chad and I decided to start trying after my doctor's strong recommendation, we both thought to ourselves and each other, "We've got this!" Each month that comes and goes with no positive pregnancy test is one month that is painful, emotional, and debilitating for one or two days. And I don't mean because we are so emotional and racked with pain over not being pregnant, but my endometriosis totally takes center stage and takes over for days.... a couple of them being days that I can't even leave the house. A day like today, which with the weather like it is, it only seems fitting. I can handle EMOTIONALLY each month that passes with no baby in sight, but physically my body is giving me hell. I know female problems are mostly kept private, but if anyone has ever had to deal with the physical pain of something like endometriosis, it's hard to keep quiet. It can wear you down month after month. Literally everything between my knees and my neck hurt excruciatingly bad. Yes, even my KNEES hurt. Don't ask me why.

When I had surgery to remove my endometriosis almost 5 years ago, I was told it was temporary. There is no cure expect for pregnancy (which endometriosis can cause severe infertility issues) or a hysterectomy. It seems 5 years post-op and 2 years post-baby, it has come back with a vengeance and a point to make some days unbearable.

However, if this is my only problem, I am blessed beyond measure. I am just learning to refocus my emotions and concern away from a selfish standpoint, to directing it towards the only One who has control over my situation. I'm not sure why I decided to share this on my blog, other than to vent and deal with the fact that God has a plan and purpose. Pregnant or not, He knows what we are ready for and what we're not ready for. He knows the plans for our life and I don't. Furthermore, we already have 2 beautiful, healthy boys who we love more than anything in this world.

On a side note, I have told Chad that if infertility has already set in and made a permanent home, then I want us to start praying about adoption. I've mentioned before that my heart longs to adopt a child who would not otherwise have a chance in this world. Chad doesn't feel as strongly as I do about adoption, and he may never feel strongly. But God can soften hearts over things like that, so I have asked Chad to pray about it. Well, I guess, stay tuned for the rest of the story....

Thanks for "listening".

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Birthday parties, family, and surprises, oh my.....

This was such a busy weekend. It seems like everyone in my family has a birthday from January to the first week of February. Friday was my father-in-law's birthday AND my sister-in-law. Yesterday was my uncle's birthday (my dad's brother), somewhere in the last couple of days Chad's grandmother had a birthday, and Chad has a birthday on Friday. Whew. We celebrated all weekend long.

Friday night we went to Easely Amused for my sister-in-law's birthday and painted "Cotton Eyed Joe" (a cotton plant in the middle of a dirt field--- kicking it back to our Mississippi roots) which Chad wants to take to his office and hang up.

Saturday for lunch we went to my Uncle James' house and had some burgers for his birthday. He lives in what was once my grandparent's home and has a little pond for fishing and some horses. Brennan LOVES horses. I really wish we could afford to have a horse for Brennan, but they are outrageous to keep boarded and fed.

Saturday night my mother-in-law threw my father-in-law somewhat of a surprise party for his 60th birthday. He knew some people were coming, like his family and a couple of his very best friends, but way more than just immediate family and a couple of friends came. He was pleasantly surprised.

This afternoon we went to see my grandfather at the nursing home since both my brothers were in town. My mom wanted to get some pictures of all of us. You know how moms are....

A great weekend, but very exhausting. Especially after I have officially accepted that I am a homebody. I LOVE being at home--- especially in the evening time.... spend time with my boys, put them to bed, curl up with a good book, take a hot bath, and go to bed. Yes, very dull. But, what can I say? I'm not ashamed.

Anyway, here are a few pics from the weekend:



Ethan riding his Mickey Mouse 4-wheeler at Uncle James' house.


Brennan and the horses.


I think they loved Brennan as much as he loved them.





This John Deere was my Papaw's when he was living. He loved this tractor. I used to be intimated as a little girl because of how big it seemed. Now it doesn't seem so huge, but I am glad it is still in the family. It's probably as old as me. Nothing runs like a Deere. As a matter of fact, this was my inspiration for wanting Brennan's nursery done in John Deere when he was a baby. I used John Deere as decor before it became so popular as decor.



One of the ice cream cakes from DQ for my father-in-law.


My youngest brother, Brent, and his fiance, Melissa.


Chad and me.


My 2 brothers and me.


My father-in-law walking in to a house full of people he didn't expect.


Singing happy birthday to him.


My mom and brothers.


My mom, my brothers, and me.


My parents.


This is what Ethan did most of the evening.


Chad talking to his 3 year old niece, Bayleigh. She LOVES her Uncle Chad.



Now Ethan is getting very jealous.


That's MY Daddy!


Brennan and Papa Clayton.


Ethan loving on him.





Brennan jumped in this shot. He is such a mess.


Ethan HATES having his picture taken. HATES it.


Not Brennan. He is a ham.


Brennan and his Uncle Clayton.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

No worries......

Most of you who know me know that I am a big worrier. I worry about EVERYTHING. It's just something I was born with. Part of my DNA. However, the older I get and the more I get involved and grow in relationships with others, I have come to realize just how blessed I am. I have seen so many people go through very difficult hardships-- everything from financial issues to losing very close family members unexpectedly. I have been working VERY hard on trying not to worry so much about stuff I may have no control over, and things that are the "small" things.

This is not going to sound like a big deal to any of you, but I just wanted to share it and have this to look back on as a reminder.... Yesterday as it was time to go pick up Brennan from school, I was dragging my 2 year old out the door kicking and screaming--literally-- and trying to keep the dog from running out the door, and it seemed like I had run a half-marathon just getting out to the garage to pick up my son a mile down the road. I was running later than normal after the drama, too. I sit down, put my key in the ignition and.... NOTHING. The van was deader than dead. Normally I would have freaked out. Of course, I forgot to mention that this was the ONE day that my husband took our extra car to work instead of his company car. So I was stuck. My husband was at his office downtown and I had NO car. Instead of panicking, I picked up the phone and told Chad what was happening, to which he was promptly able to leave work and rescue his son at school. And he wasn't late picking him up.

But then I had the van to worry about. Was it a dead battery or was it the more expensive alternator? Now we were going to have to fork over money to replace whatever it was. However, I was unusually calm about it. My boss has a saying when something goes awry in our day and I have started using it as my philosophy when something unplanned throws a monkey wrench in my day. That saying is: "If that's the worst thing to happen all day, we are going to be OKAY!" So that's what I told myself.

When Chad got home he checked the van, jumped off the battery, and the situation was fine. Our hood had somehow been opened and the light that comes on automatically under the hood had been on since the last time it had been driven.... which was 24 hours before. It just drained the battery. So, no new battery to replace and no expensive alternator to worry over.

I find myself worrying over our cars because one is 11 years old and the other is 15 years old. (Don't laugh because they are both PAID FOR!!!) And sometimes it concerns me with the mileage and the age, however our Camry has 222,000 miles on it and it runs beautifully. Which is another way God has proved he will take care of us when we are good stewards of what He has entrusted us with.

On the way to dinner last night with my coworkers, I was driving in the rain, listening to K-Love and thinking about how I normally would have been stressed out before I even knew the whole situation. Then as clear as a bell I heard in my head, "Mandy, this was an example for you today. I am always going to take care of things no matter how big or small". And it dawned on me that the situation was out of my control, yet I never worried one bit because I knew that the situation would be worked out without my worries added to it.

Which is why I have started collecting beautiful little birds to display around my house. It reminds me of the verse in Matthew:

Matthew 6:25-34

Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your lifea]">[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Things that bother me....

First let me start off with some good news: My brother returned from his deployment and will be here with his family for 2 weeks. We picked him up from the airport Saturday. (This was after he was "stuck" in Hawaii for quite some time--- how does one get "stuck" in Hawaii??? That was the word he kept using in all his frustration at being "stuck".)

So, after we picked him up at the airport, we all decided to eat lunch together. We went to a great burger joint called Mugshots. If you haven't been there, you need to go. So good. Anyway, on to my main point.....

As we were all sitting there eating lunch, my eyes kept being drawn to a couple sitting in the booth behind our table. I couldn't quit glancing over at them every 10 seconds. From the minute they sat down they pulled out their phones and never once looked up and spoke a word to each other. The waiter would come and bring them drinks, take their order, and check on them, and they would look right back down and their eyes would glaze over again staring at their "smart phones". This bothered me to no end. It was only after I had been watching them for quite some time, that a little boy about 6 or 7 years old popped his head over the back of the booth and I realized he had been sitting there the entire time. He would then glance around the restaurant in an attempt to help his boredom. I was appalled. His parents NEVER, I mean NEVER took their eyes off of their electronic devices-- not even to interact with this well-behaved, BORED little boy.

This whole scene of ignoring each other for whatever reason really ate at me. Chad and I both own one of these "smart" devices and we both love ours. Maybe a little too much at times, but we are very careful about when we use them. Especially around our kids. A couple of times I have caught both of us sitting across from each other in the living room with our iPhones out checking Facebook, catching up on football scores, or reading the latest news. And our kids are in between us in the floor playing while we are ignoring them. That's when I make it a point to say something to Chad about putting our "toys" away.

And when we go to eat at a restaurant, whether as a family or just Chad and me, neither one of us pulls out our phone to check anything. We may not always have lively conversations, but we at least talk. Even if we have to resort to talking about the small things that might have happened at either of our workplaces throughout the week. Or why I found someone's underwear in an odd place at home. But we at least make it a point to talk. It just really broke my heart to see this little family totally ignore each other over an electronic device.

Onto the second thing that bothers me..... MTV. Now, don't get me wrong-- I grew up watching MTV. MTV has always been controversial to some degree. But these days it APPALLS me. For starters, the show "Jersey Shore". Um, okaaaay. For some reason this show has become a total hit and I don't understand why. I tried to watch it one night after the boys were in bed, just because I wanted to see what this show was about. I literally could stomach only 15 seconds of it. And I think I lost about 5 million brain cells in the seconds I watched it. I think it's disgusting and disturbing that people can act like that and get their own television show AND write books. What could someone who goes by the name of "Snooki" possibly have anything to say worth reading?!

I do like the show "Teen Mom" because it really shows the hardships of what can happen when you're 16 and have a baby. I actually love that show and try to watch the new episodes. Some of these girls have it rough. However, each commercial break, MTV started advertising a new show by the name of "Skins". I could tell from the 30 second ad, that it was very disturbing. Once commercial shows a 16 year old girl in reverse--- from when she passes out at a party from either being gloriously drunk or gloriously high to the fun time she had at the party kissing boys and possibly a girl, to when the night started and she told her mom she was going to the library to study. (Never mind this girl had on an outfit I don't think anyone would wear to ANY library to study in-- and there is a car load of teenagers standing outside the car waiting on her, all the while her mom allows her to press on with her journey of "studying".)

First off, that is giving some major mixed messages to teenagers about watching a show that shows how BAD things really can happen when you have a sex life before you have a driver's license, yet there is a show targeted at teenagers that glorifies lying to your parents, using recreational drugs, and lots of sex. And that is an understatement about this show "Skins". It shouldn't even be allowed on commercial television.

I know my parents thought they had it hard when we were teenagers, and they did. But, 15 years later, you can multiply that times 100 and that's how difficult we as parents (who care about being a parent rather than a friend to our child) have it. Not only are we faced with issues that have existed since the beginning of time-- peer pressure, drinking, drugs, and sex, but we have to deal with it on a whole new level. There is a ridiculous amount of technology and kids are exposed so early at some things that I am just not ready for. It scares me to death.

Which brings me to one more thing that bothers me..... Children and teenagers having their own personal computers. Now, I have several friends who have allowed their children to have personal computers or laptops, but I totally disagree with it. That's their business however. As far as my family is concerned, we will only have ONE computer in our house and it will be in a main room where everyone has access to it at any given time. I know there are programs that will block out certain things, but that's not good enough for me. The personal parental block is the most affective means that will take place in my house.

My husband thinks I need to run for public office because I get passionate about things and he has to listen to my rants like the ones above. I would love to run for something, but I don't think anyone would listen to me. That is why I blog.....

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sound off.......

I realize that this post may offend some people. It shouldn't.... I'm just telling the truth, but I'm tired of hearing about this subject and people need to realize it's 2011, not 1961.

So yesterday was MLK day. (Or Martin Luther King, Jr. day). Let me tell you how great I think it is that we recognize Martin Luther King, Jr. by giving him a day on our calendar and celebrating it like other holidays. However, there are a couple of things that bother me about this, and I was so irritated turning on the news yesterday, on a day that is supposed to be marked with respect and admiration towards a man who lived and died for civil rights.

#1. Martin Luther King, Jr. lived, breathed, and died for civil rights and equality amongst whites and blacks. (I don't know what's politically correct anymore-- so maybe I should say Caucasians and African-Americans... I can't keep up with all that politically correct mumbo jumbo.) His purpose in life was for all of us to come together, be able to drink from the same water fountains, shop at the same stores, receive equal educational rights in the same classrooms, and compete for the same jobs. Let me tell you, I think what he believed in and what he worked so hard for was nothing short of incredible. He lived and died for African-American rights in his time and more importantly for future generations.

But, let's just fast-forward to 2011. Being born and raised in a state like Mississippi is something I am very proud of. I realize that our state still continues to receive the brunt of the criticism from the civil rights era, as we should. The KKK and all the other hate groups that existed were despicable and sickening. The whites who were part of these groups seemed to have no morals or conscious as they threw away valuable lives and thought nothing of it. What made them any different from someone like Adolf Hitler who killed just because someone was different than him? No one is ever the "wrong" skin color, the "wrong" religion, ect.

Okay, I'm obviously going off on a rant and got a little off the subject..... Anyway, fast-forward to 2011. Mississippi has reached tremendous milestones in civil rights and white/black relations. We share classrooms, we work together at our places of employments, we shop together, we live in the same neighborhoods, and we even go to church together. I would say in 50 years, we have come a long way. But, some people seem to have what Martin Luther King, Jr. was fighting for all wrong.

Last night on MLK Day, I turned on the news and the top story was about a house fire in a more shady part of Jackson. The homeowner is convinced the fire was intentionally set by someone out to seek revenge, a vendetta, after her boyfriend was murdered in a gas station parking lot last year. REALLY? How would Martin Luther King, Jr. feel about some of these people he fought and died for living lives the way they do? Shooting, robbing, killing in cold blood, and seeking revenge. When you look at a city like Jackson as a whole, you see it has major problems that stem from the African-American community. And that is not meant to be a racist statement. Look at the statistics. Heck, live in or around Jackson and it's very obvious.

I grew up in South Jackson for the most part, and it was great place to live, shop, and work. In recent years I have watched it crumble. I have seen the elderly and other adults (my in-laws) either being forced from the home they thought they would live out their years in, or being stuck with nowhere to go and fearing for their lives and their possessions. It's a fact. My in-laws lived in the heart of S. Jackson until a few months ago and it was nothing to hear gunshots on a daily basis. They even had bullet holes in the bumper of their vehicles from a shooting a few houses down. Was that what Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted for our cities and towns? Absolutely not. I don't care if you are white, black, brown, red, or from the moon.... I don't mind living next door to ANYONE as long as they are respectable citizens and decent neighbors. But, that's not exactly what happened to the city of Jackson. I still work in S. Jackson and it breaks my heart everyday to see what has become of the properties and homes in that area. That is the exact opposite of what MLK risked his life for every day that he lived and fought for civil rights. He wanted job opportunities and educational opportunities for African-Americans.

Kenneth Stokes, who is a Ward 3 Councilman in the city of Jackson is full of A LOT of hot air. Most of the stuff that comes out of his mouth is nothing short of ignorant. However, yesterday, at a MLK Day event, I was amazed that he actually said something very intelligent and true. I actually wanted to hug him for saying something so smart for once. This was his quote:

"We need more black on black love and less black on black hate" said Stokes. "How can you say you want to integrate with the whites and Hispanics and you don't want to integrate with each other. We got to, we must stop killing each other."

I know that the civil rights era has come and gone, and I know for the most part, Martin Luther King, Jr. would be ecstatic to see the turn in the road that we have made in the last 50 years. I just wonder if some of these who kill each other in cold blood, rob, steal, and destroy lives really know what MLK stood for. Or really appreciate what MLK went through to guarantee equality and civil rights. How can you appreciate his (and so many others) fight for equal education and job opportunities when you refuse to get educated and get a job, and instead spend it on the streets with thugs, drugs, and guns, and taking possessions and LIVES that don't belong to you?!

Um, so that is my rant. I won't even touch other subjects that bother me, like seeing an Obama shirt on someone with their pants down to their knees, a mouth full of gold teeth, a lopsided hat, and untied shoes. Nor will I touch the sensitive subject of Colonel Reb being taken away as the Ole Miss mascot (which, by the way, a slave-owner/plantation owner is the LAST thing I think of when I see Colonel Reb) or the "South will rise again" no longer allowed to be said at football games. I don't see "the South rising again" having anything to do with slaves and the Civil war in this new century. It just means that we are from the south and we are loud and proud about it. But, I am not going to go there........ NOT going there.....

Okay, on to #2. The fact that this country has had so much snow and ice and have had to shut down schools longer than there were snow days allowed does not constitute the fact that ANYONE should get offended about having to make up a day on MLK day. Get over it people. Instead, everyone is cutting short the holiday that is set aside for our Lord and Savior in reverence to the fact that he died a terrible death for all of us. It makes no sense to me. I definitely think this world has it's values backwards.

And that is all today, folks. Take no offense to anything I said. I am pretty sure it's all 100% truthful.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Catching up....

Sooooo, I realize I have pretty much TOTALLY neglected my blog the last few MONTHS other than a few pics of holiday gatherings and what-not..... But I have had no serious thoughts to share. I think I have just been plain exhausted. As always Christmas came and went in the blink of an eye and my schedule at work was a little out of whack and I worked more than my usual part-time gig. It was nice to have a little extra Christmas cash, and I will reiterate just how much I love my job outside of the home, but BOY--- I sure love spending the day with my quickly growing 2- year old and my 6-going-on-16-year-old.

New Year's came and went with a bang. Literally. Thunder, lighting, and tornadoes.... OH MY! After the FIRST storm of New Year's Eve came and went, I slept right through the stroke of midnight (and the second round of storms), much to Chad's dismay. I couldn't even stay up and watch the ball drop in New York one hour ahead of our time. All the excitement of the New Year's Eve evening just made me want to crawl under the covers and ring it in peacefully and sleepily. So, I did. After all, I didn't get to go to Graceland, so I just decided to go to sleep.

And last week, JUST when we were all getting back on our regular schedule with jobs and school, here comes the dreaded ice storm.... (or as I like to call it, Ice-ageddon). No work, no school yesterday for anyone in this household, and after day #3 of being cooped up in the house together, we were all ready to murder each other in a way that only family can. Even Brennan and Ethan who get along GREAT 99% of the time, were ready to CLAW each others faces off. I was SO ready to get to work this morning. I think the van might have peeled out of the driveway on 2 wheels this morning.......

So, I guess the next topic brings me to "Project 2011". Otherwise known as a "baby". No, we are not pregnant yet. Yes, we have been unofficially- officially trying. And yes, my kids make me crazy. But so does my husband and my dog. I'm high strung. But, I still want a 3rd child. My mom thinks I've lost my mind. Well, that sort of happened a long time ago. As crazy as my kids make me, I love ALMOST every moment with them. Fortunately, I have a GREAT baby's daddy (a.k.a., my husband) who really helps with the load of child-rearing. And I have a great mom, who never hesitates to help out when I need a last-minute sitter or when I need anything. She even does my laundry sometimes while I'm at work.

Maybe I am crazy for wanting a 3rd child, but at this point, I can't imagine my life being anything but chaotic. But it's the kind of chaos that I will miss one day. Ethan has really grown almost overnight, and I keep staring at his baby picture thinking to myself, "Wow, wasn't that just yesterday?!" It seems like it, but time sure does fly.

Brennan prays every night for a baby sister. I just want a healthy baby. The pregnancy part has not happened as fast as I had anticipated. But, that's okay. I know it's not all about my timing. After all, my first two kids came before I even realized HOW it happened. (Okay, that's sort of a joke.) I know if it is in God's plan to conceive, then it will happen. It's not all about how I want my life to pan out. Besides, the sooner we have another baby, the sooner it will be grown, just like my other two babies.

Anyway, hope to do better on my blogging..... I certainly need some therapy!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

New Year pics....


Brooklyn playing on the computer.


Brooklyn and Uncle Chad.


Brooklyn, Bayleigh, Brennan, and Ethan.


Chad's mom, Cheryl, Chad, and his middle sister, Lauren.


Sonny and me. Sonny has been best friends with Chad's parents for YEARS. He was even an usher in our wedding.



Chad's youngest sister, Lindsey, and me.


Lindsey holding a Roman candle.


Lauren taking the kids for a ride on the 4-wheeler.



Lindsey and her husband, Alex.


Brooklyn and me.

These pictures were taken the night after New Year's Eve. Our intentions were to cook out and eat at Chad's parents on New Year's Eve, but as we were on the way to their house, we heard all the radio reports about the tornadoes in Byram and coming through our county. After hearing the tornado sirens sound continuously on our stretch of road, we turned around and went home. My parents were with us, so they missed all the action in Byram. But, they headed straight home and got caught in the middle of all the emergency responders and fallen trees, and blocked roads. They had a hard time getting through the city. But, they had no damage as so many others did. Glad everyone stayed safe!!! What a crazy way to say good-bye to the old year.