Got Faith?

So in the midst of these rising gas prices and outrageous grocery store receipts I'm beginning to think I'll never see the light at the end of the tunnel. This morning as I was getting dressed and getting ready to run a few errands, I got a little overwhelmed with things. Chad and I have a lot we need to do and a short cash flow to do it with. I'm more intimidated with this pregnancy than I was the first one. I guess because I went in to the first pregnancy totally blind. I didn't know the true cost of "an extra mouth to feed." Now I do. I'm thinking about diapers, and health insurance, and formula --if for some reason I'm not able to nurse.... I'm thinking hospital bills and MORE diapers.

See, here's the thing. Chad and I have been through a lot in our marriage. In six short years. You name it, we've been there. Literally. We've always come out the other side better and stronger than before. But when it comes to our finances, we've always scraped by. It's always been a paycheck to paycheck struggle. Even when I worked full time. We've never been behind on bills. We've never been a day late or a dollar short for the things we NEED. But then, that's it. I'm not a very materialistic person, nor do I like a lot of "things". Don't get me wrong-- I like nice things, but not in a materialistic way. I don't know if that makes sense.... I just want room to breathe. If our Toyota Camry with 180,000 miles on it gives out, I want enough on the side to be able to replace it with a used car. I don't want a car payment. We couldn't afford a car payment even if we needed a new car. When we thought our air conditioning unit in the house was going to need major repairs (which we're still not sure of) I wanted enough on the side to pay cash for any repairs. I can't stand the thought of going into debt over things we should have enough for. My husband's student loans are enough for a lifetime. (Or in our case HALF a lifetime).

From the moment we married Chad and I have always given 10% off the top of our income for tithe. Which is one reason I believe we stay out of financial trouble. God has alway, ALWAYS provided. We quit tithing last year when I started my new job and it was a huge mistake. It was amazing the difference in that one year of not giving. And there's a huge difference in giving from your heart and giving just because you feel like it's one of those things you have to do. One day Chad and I hope to be able to give more than 10% of what we earn. But right now, it's so so tempting to quit giving again. I sometimes catch myself thinking how many diapers that would buy. Or how much money we could have if we just stuck that in our savings twice a month. And that's not where my heart truly is. I think God knows that. It's just my human nature and being a little selfish. And feeling sorry for myself-- like thinking how come everyone else can afford a family vacation every year? Or how come they can afford a new minivan? Or how come they have such a big house?

But, I also realize that others have their faith tested in different ways than we do. I have 3 friends right now that are having trouble either conceiving or have miscarried. I have been very blessed with being able to have children. We weren't even really trying when we got pregnant, which reinforces my thoughts that God has a plan for us and we are going to be taken care of. We also have a big, happy family on my side and Chad's side and we all live in the same city. Every holiday or special occasion we are always together. Both families. We are blessed in every aspect of life. So I have no room to complain, right?

So anyway as I was still drying my tears on the way to WalMart this morning, I was just thinking and praying and realizing I have nothing to cry about. God has never let us go hungry or homeless or car-less. Somehow, even when things are at the lowest of the low and we have no money left for groceries, we still manage to scrape up something to cook. And both of our cars have been running fine. And as I was trying to be thankful at that moment and remember the blessings I have in my life, a car pulled out in front of me on the highway. The tag read: GotFaith. That wasn't a coincidence. But, for me it needed a big question mark at the end. Like all of those Got Milk? ads. I think I do. I try to tell myself I do. I try to encourage my husband by saying I do, because I want him to have faith and confidence. One day at the end of the month I would like to have $5 left over. I'll start out small. Just being happy with $5 at the end of the month.

But whatever reason we are being tested in our faith, one day I hope to use my learned lessons to help someone else. There are fellow church members who are trying to scrape and earn money to go to Nicaragua this year for a medical mission trip. It cost almost $2,000 to go. They are looking for sponsors. I would like to be able to sponsor someone like that one of these days. I want them to find enough money to go.

But, even if I can't see it, I know in my heart there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is. It may take awhile to get there, but it's up ahead somewhere. We are still going to manage to get by, and we are still going to have a roof over our head. A nice roof over our head. One that I am very thankful for.