Overwhelmed. Another word that can easily describe a mother. A mother to young children.
Meltdown. What an multi-tasking, overwhelmed mother has from time to time. A mother to young children.
I am certainly no stranger to being an overwhelmed, multi-tasking mother who has the occasional meltdown. (Okay, confession here: I have one daily these days!)
Between giving birth the third time, being off of work, the holidays, and my oldest being out of school in December and off of schedule for so long, I am just now getting back into some sort of routine 10 weeks after having the baby. I'm not sure what's worse. Being off of a schedule for so long or trying to get back into one! Sunday 2 weeks ago I had finally decided to get back into going to BOTH Sunday school AND church. It was easy the first week. We were a few minutes late, but did very well considering. This past Sunday almost got the best of me. I think I might still be recovering.
I did what any organized (okay, I just wanted to throw that word in there to make me sound a little better, but let's be honest, I'm not sure I even know what that word means)---er--let's change that to what any responsible mother would do..... I had everyone's clothes laid out and ready to go, including mine, before we went to bed Saturday night. Chad had to be at church early, so I was fortunate enough to have one kid ready in time to send with him. After that it all went downhill. And I'm not exactly sure where it all went wrong. It could have had to do with the fact that my sink was full of dirty dishes, my bed was unmade, the laundry was so backed up that I did good to find a clean pair of socks for everyone, and our cabinet was empty and void of any food. I knew what all awaited me when I got home, so I could try and cram it in from the hours of 1:00 and 4:00 in the afternoon before I was due back at church. Sigh. So there I was, running (almost quite literally) out the door at about 8:50. Sunday School starts at 9:00. We live about 20 minutes from our place of worship. I was so stressed out that it occurred to me that I needed some serious prayer in that van.
That's when I heard a thought that couldn't have been of my own. It sounded too reasonable and calm to be my voice.
"Mandy, do you really think God cares what time you make it to church?' Hm. Let me think about this for a minute. Was this a trick question? So here is the rest of the conversation in my head:
Me: "Well, I need to be there on time so that we can be counted on the roll before it gets turned into the office and recorded"
Voice: "Is that what is so important about showing up to Sunday School?"
Me: "Sort of. If I make an effort to be there, I want to be counted."
Voice: "That's all you're thinking about in your frazzled state of mind? Being counted on the roll?!"
Me: "Yes"
Voice: "I'm pretty sure that there are more important things to be worried about that being counted on the roll. Things like actually getting something out of what God tells you through Adam or Bro. Chris. Things you need to soak in and take with you. Actual life lessons and truth. Not being checked off on the Sunday School roll so everyone will see that you made it there. Besides, isn't the only thing that matters is what's in your heart? And God knows exactly what is in your heart. Why do you worry about such elementary things?"
Me: "Is that another trick question?"
I have to say, that I felt a sense of peace after that conversation with that strange, calm voice. But I admit, it didn't last long. Within minutes of getting home, and seeing dirty dishes, an unmade bed, an empty pantry, and 3 kids all screaming and whining at once that they were hungry, I was overwhelmed and in meltdown mode. After throwing a load of laundry in the wash, and feeding all 3 kids, I was finally able to sit down and eat. All alone. Just for good humor, I will share what Chad asked as I was making my own lunch...... He saw the paper we recently subscribed to on Sundays. (I only subscribed because they were running a special and I love the coupon inserts.... I mean, who has time to read the paper these days?!) He walks into the kitchen while the football game was on commercial and as nonchalantly as he can, he asks me, "So, is there anything good in the paper today?' Oh my word. You don't even want to know what I said to him after he asked me that question. I mean REALLY?! At that point I had barely even had time to make a much needed pit stop after drinking 2 cups of coffee!!!!
Then I knew what I had to do. Go to the grocery store. Who is stupid enough to go to the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon? Apparently every person in the greater metro area. But as I sat down in the van to leave, I was literally crying. I had left with the door slamming behind me. I had already kneed the washing machine several times(I have the black bruise on my knee to prove it) and yelled some words that should have been followed with a bar of soap in my mouth and a confession. So as I was getting ready to back out of the garage, my phone buzzed. It was a comment that a friend had left on one of my Facebook statuses. When I saw the name, I knew it was a subtle hint from God. The comment was from our friend Matt, who's son is Xavian. If you have been reading my blogs in the past, you know Xavian battled a brain tumor at 3 months of age and has been in and out of the hospital since then. He is now 3 years old. When I saw Matt's name, that voice spoke to me again. "Mandy, you have no reason to complain. Think of what others are going through. You only have laundry and groceries to take care of. Others are facing sick children. Or the loss of parents. Or the loss of a job. Why do you make simple things so overwhelming for yourself? You only do this to yourself. You feel sorry for yourself. Do you really think that you are the ONLY woman in history to have a husband and 3 kids to take care of?" Wow. Talk about a humbling thought. I am convinced that God was pretty much trying to tell me to chill out. Now, I know that I stay overwhelmed for no real reason. I guess I just feel like I am constantly going-- cleaning, cooking, washing, folding, and WORRYING, yet nothing ever seems to get accomplished. This is a season in my life that is very busy and stressful. And because of my personality, I will probably always be overwhelmed as long as I have children living under my roof. But I am certainly thankful for the gifts that God trusted Chad and me with.
I do know that my prayer life has been neglected. And that is not what God wants for me. And the more my prayer life has been neglected, the more overwhelmed I feel. I've got to learn to be more thankful. I've got to learn to TRULY ask for forgiveness (especially when I curse at the washing machine). I've got to learn to take my life one step at a time. Looking at the big picture is very overwhelming. Taking things one step at a time is a lot less frustrating. I wonder if they make a support group for people like me? I'm going to try and work on this. I may only be successful a handful of times in the next 18 years while my children are still living here, but I can at least take a deep breath and try to hear that voice that keeps trying to make me see the good in my life..............
A few verses that came to me just this morning:
John 15:16
16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.
18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate[a] the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is in the Spirit.
1 Samuel 12:22
22 For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own.
2 Corinthians 3:18
Proverbs 23:18
18 There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.
Meanwhile, if you have children, invest your money in a copy of "Heaven is for Real (the kid's version)". We bought a copy this weekend, and the boys have been asking us every night at bedtime to read it to them. They LOVE it!!!!! And if you haven't read the adult version, DO IT!!!!!!
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