My life revolves around poop...........

Here is a typical day with the Miller kids and why I need a weekend rate at Whitfield (the local loony bin):

Yesterday I took all 3 kids to the dentist (which also happens to be my place of employment). Stupid? Yes. Brennan and I are the only ones to have our teeth cleaned. When Dr. H comes in to check Brennan, he blows up a latex glove as a balloon for Ethan. Not a wise move on Dr. H.'s part. Because then Brennan wanted one. Which turned into a 3 ring circus. Then he told my boys they could go out into the waiting room with about 5 other kids and take their balloons. I'm pretty sure I broke out into a sweat. Then I could imagine Ethan taking off out the door into the parking lot just because he could. Fortunately Ethan popped his balloon within 30 seconds and they were both back to inform me. Then about 30 seconds later Brennan's popped. Situation was diffused.

Returning home the kids were screaming for ice cream. I don't even know WHY. We don't really eat ice cream. Every container of ice cream I have ever bought goes bad. But I just happened to have a half gallon of Kroger brand Cafe Italian Tiramisu ice cream. (Oh my goodness, TO DIE FOR! if you haven't tried it!) It was also time for Mary Grace to eat, see what all Brennan had for homework, figure out what's for supper, AND try to get one of the kids in the shower or bath.

Then this is what unfolded next: Mary Grace had a dirty diaper so I changed her before I fed her. Then I sat down to feed her. All the while Brennan is arguing with me about the many reasons he should not have to start homework at that second. By the way--- have I mentioned that at five o'clock there is some invisible force that flips a switch at my house and all hell breaks lose? No, I haven't? Well, there IS some sort of evil, menacing force that turns some sort of evil, menacing switch at exactly 5 o'clock EVERY SINGLE DAY and my kids AND the dog go ballistic. The boys start fighting, Mary Grace starts crying, the dog starts barking, you get the picture. Anyway, yesterday as I'm feeding Mary Grace and arguing with Brennan in a position that I can't move to get up and handle him, Mary Grace decided to have another blowout with her diaper (I had just changed her 2 minutes before). And when I say blowout, I mean there is poop everywhere. Her, me, my clothes. EVERYWHERE. So I proceed to give her a bath. As I'm getting her out Ethan comes running in her room and jumps on her toybox (which is actually full of clothes). "Mama, Sissy is BUTT NAKED!!!" As he is saying this, he is laughing. Then he says, "Mama, I want to be the Lion King". (He is referring to his Halloween costume which is now in the top of his closet). He is back and forth between hollering "Sissy is butt naked" and "I want to be the Lion King". Before I even finished dressing his sister I went and got the stupid costume from the top of his closet, and dressed him in the stupid thing, so that he would hush for a few minutes.

Sigh. Less than a minute later: "Mama, I don't want to be 'da Lion King anymore, I done now". Yes, less than a single minute later. I'm still trying to dress Mary Grace through this whole Lion King ordeal. After Ethan takes Lion King off, he goes into the bathroom to annoy Brennan while Brennan is in the shower. While Ethan is in there, I guess he decided he needs to poop. Within a few minutes of getting Mary Grace dressed and trying to put her down (again, when that 5'0clock switch is flipped, she expects to be held, otherwise she screams bloody murder) Ethan comes running into the living room with his pants around his ankles informing me that he just went poo-poo. Within a few seconds Brennan comes in behind him and says, "Mama, Ethan didn't flush the potty. But you GOTTA come look at it. It is weird. Mama, come look at what Ethan did in the potty". Yes, my oldest was impressed by what my middle child did in the toilet. And wanted me to come look at it.

I can't make this stuff up. This is way more entertaining than fiction. Meanwhile yesterday Ethan is eating me out of house and home. All I heard from the minute his feet hit the floor out of bed was, "Mama, I hungwy (hungry)" If he said it once, he said it a thousand times. Literally. And he has to have everything in a bowl. So he can dump the bowl out. Yesterday he dumped an entire bowl of Cheetoh Puffs all over my comforter. Then he dumped the goldfish out all over the couch. And he dumps it on purpose. He wants it in a bowl so he can dump it and eat off dirty surfaces.

Chad doesn't always understand why I'm a crazy woman when he gets home. Last night I was wanting to put them in bed at 7. And I would have if Brennan didn't have his derby race car to work on for Boy Scouts this weekend. I was so exhausted I went to bed at 9:30 (which is early for me these days) and was asleep the minute my head hit the pillow. And this is someone who has suffered from insomnia for YEARS. Solution: I had three kids. We could have our own reality show around here. And I have just given up on trying to keep this house spotless. I have just decided I will no longer have any company or friends over for the next 18 years. It is what it is. I keep things clean, but there is no way for me to have an entirely clean house for 10 seconds. I clean the toilet constantly around here. But cleaning our toilets is like washing your car: it's destined to rain a few hours later. Well, when I scrub the potties, someone needs to poop within 5 minutes. If I scrubbed the toilet at midnight, someone would get out of bed and need to poop. I always told Chad that if I got to stay home our house would always be clean and there would always be dinner on the table when he got home from work. That was 10 years and 3 kids ago. Now my only reaction to what I used to say is LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOL! LAUGH OUT LOUD.

Yes people, that is my life these days. Craziness, poop, exhaustion, and a dirty house. See why I need some good quick, easy, and convenient recipes?! So, don't forget to post a few below my last blog entry from yesterday.

And I'm recording this on my blog so one day I can look back and think about how GOOD these days were. Even though I am a crazy woman, my eyebrows need waxing, my hair needs cut and coloring, I need to loose about 20 pounds, I'm the one that always looks a mess so my kids can look halfway decent, I will remember that these days are very fleeting and will be gone before I can fully assess how TRULY good these days are. All in all I'm blessed. I'm CRAZY. INSANE, CRAZY. But I have 2 jobs that I love-- one that pays and one that doesn't. I'm able to balance a paying job, with my at-home job. My children are healthy, Chad and I are healthy, we have wonderful friends, a nice home in a nice town, and we are just plain blessed. Even though I am too tired to fully appreciate it most days.