Day 1

I've had a lot of nerves working up to this point.  Like, as in, I was nervous about fasting.  Even though I never heard much about fasting in the Southern Baptist denomination growing up, it seems to be a "trend" (and really, I HATE to use that word, but for lack of better words at this moment, I will just go with it) that has come back into light lately, even in the S. Baptist denomination. Our Sunday school teacher and good friend fasts every year for 3 days leading up to Easter.   No food, no drink.  He always gets an emotional experience and hears from God very powerfully in those days.  For awhile I have felt the tug at my heart.  I ignored it after doing a little research on the Daniel Fast, but it still kept coming up in my thoughts.  I had some bad habits that I knew I needed to dispose of, but I kept telling myself "Tomorrow, tomorrow, no I'll do it tomorrow".  Then it just got ridiculous how many times I told myself the t-word.

Then Lent came.  And I realized it hit me by surprise and I had not prepared myself to give up anything. And then The Daniel Fast really became heavy on my mind and heart.  I did more research.  And a little more.  And then realized perhaps this is just the kind of thing I need to get rid of some baggage in my life, some bad habits, and purposefully seek time to be with the Lord.  I had truly become dead in my spiritual walk.  For MONTHS.  So I decided, this is it.  It's now or never.  Are you going to intentionally make an effort to draw closer to the Lord? Or are you just going to put it off again until tomorrow, until tomorrow turns into next year and the year after, and all those ugly little demons begin to rear their ugly heads again, and you show the world what is REALLY underneath?  Sounds sort of intense.  Yeah. When my prayer life is weak, my past creeps up and reminds me of what a failure I am.  Or, let me rephrase that.  Satan creeps up, plants these seeds in my head, and because I don't pray them away, Satan loves to fill up my head.  And even my heart.

Last night I got a message on FB from someone, with whom I go to church with,  telling me that I should never publicly announce my fast.  That it is something one should keep private. That's the way Jesus intended.  While I understand where he was coming from, it also rubbed me the wrong way.  Like, do people really think I would deprive myself of ALL the things I love for 21 days just to turn some heads?! Satan almost used this message to get to me in a bad way.  But I stepped back.  And while I did respond to him, my response was this:  I could show up at the church every time the doors are opened, raise my hands in praise and worship, and cry at the altar every Sunday.  I could do all the "right" things that religious people do. But I could be doing it for man just as easily as I could be doing it for God. So what Satan intended to rub me in all the wrong ways actually got me to thinking a little bit deeper about it.  And I suppose it all comes down to a matter of opinion on whether fasts  should be kept private.  But I'm not a private person.  I mean, I blog for crying out loud.  About everything.  And then this morning a friend told me to keep her updated on my fast.  After I got to talking to her, I realized that publicizing my fast was not such a bad thing.  She had been thinking of The Daniel Fast and said she would like some inspiration.  Books and blogs, scores of them, are published on fasting.  And yes, I did publicize my fast because I needed encouragement and prayer from fellow believers who I knew would make a commitment to pray for me.  I also received the sweetest text message from someone this morning.  And it was someone I wouldn't expect to send me a text about fasting.  But she told me she was praying for me.  And it made me feel so refreshed.

Moving on.  Let's get to Day 1.  Today.  I woke up at 4 a.m. thirsty.  I wake up almost every night and the first thing that comes to mind is taking a big swig of Coke Zero.  And I don't know why I developed that habit.  But I did.  And I really wanted some.  Then I realized it was after midnight and my fast had begun.  Bummer.  I settled for  bottled water instead. I made a terrible smoothie for breakfast.  Almond milk is HORRIBLE, just for future reference.  I snacked on a handful of almonds on the way to church.  For lunch I had a leafy, green salad with onion, almonds, and tomatoes.  This is where I cheated a little--- and some of these things you can do at your own discretion during the fast-- I poured just a small amount of raspberry vinaigrette on my salad.  Otherwise I was going to feel like a giant rabbit cramming all that lettuce in my mouth.  I can do salads with none of the fancy fixings all day long, but I can't do it without any salad dressing.  I have been very hungry today.

At lunch, and just a few minutes ago, I had the urge to do what us parents are famous for:  Finishing the food that our kids didn't eat.  Or grabbing a handful of Cheez-its as they walk out of the kitchen with the box.  I think of it like this:  When you're electricity or power goes off for any length of time, what is the first thing you do when you walk into a dark room?  Flip the light switch on.  Even though it won't turn on.  You're accustomed to it. After years of it, it's what your mind and your body do naturally.  Well, that's how it is with food.  Out of habit, I almost climbed out of bed for my Coke Zero.  I almost finished Mary Grace's turkey and cheese wrap, and I almost grabbed a big handful of Cheez-its.  I almost stole a big sip out of my husband's Ole Miss cup full of Coke Zero this morning too. Which is why I'm still holding on to 15 extra pounds that I didn't have before my 3rd child.  I am my family's garbage disposal.  And fellow grazer.

So, there's a lot of bad habits that I need to break.  But it isn't so much about the diet as it is the discipline and learning and conditioning myself to have self-control and willpower.  But above all else, it's seeking quiet time and weak times to go to the Lord and ask for these things.  I cannot do without chocolate, dairy, coke, coffee, animal products, processed foods, wine,  and bread for 21 days straight. (Among other things).  But I know that through Him, if I am seeking Him for all the RIGHT reasons, then I've got this.  Or I should say, HE'S got this.  This fast won't change HIM.  But I am praying that it will change ME.