Day 4

Yesterday seemed to be okay.  Until after dinner last night.  My sweet tooth took over my thoughts.  All I could think about was C.H.O.C.O.L.A.T.E.  It got so bad that when one of my boys asked if he could eat one of his Reese's from Valentine's Day, I had the urge to sneak in his room and LICK one. Today is not much better.  As a matter of fact, my craving was so big that I dreamed about it.  In my dream, I was still in my fast, and somehow I was sitting in front of one of those expensive bags of chocolate.  The kind with caramel and raspberries inside...................mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......... oh, sorry.  I drifted off for a minute.  Glad my drool missed the laptop.  Anyway, in my dream, I thought "Hey, one piece will be okay".  So I ate one piece..............mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........... oops.  But somehow I ended up eating the whole entire bag ravenously.  And in my dream the chocolate was SO good, but I could also feel the guilt.  It was somewhere between a beautiful, glorious dream, and a bad dream.  And also in this dream, I dreamed that I  poured a big, cold glass of Coke.  Fizzy, cold, just the most beautiful drink I've ever laid eyes on.  And I raised it to my lips, and then I stopped.  Sigh.  Thank you, dreams.  For such moral support.

So today is day 5 and it's definitely becoming a thorn in my side.  And I don't mean that as a BAD thing.  I need this thorn in my side.  Thorns in our sides are blessings.  Because without them, we cannot go to God and ask for His help in dealing with them.

Today, I actually woke up, got out of the bed, and went and talked to God in the darkness and silence of my living room.  Even though it was easy to do this morning, I think it was just a fluke that it was so easy.  I know the weekend won't be any easier.  And I definitely know that next week, when we get back to our normal routine after Spring Break, that it sure won't get any easier.  Because then  I have to get up even earlier.  But I'm definitely making it a priority.  A discipline.  But I over time, I want to get lost in my prayer life.  You know, to have the kind of prayer life where you close your eyes and just get LOST talking to God.  As in, you open your eyes afterwards and feel like you've been in a trance or a dream state in your prayer.  I've got a long way to go.  But just like the runner who runs marathons, he didn't start out running 26.2 miles.  I hate to compare prayer and marathons, and it may be downright silly, but I live in a zoo and have 3 kids.  I'm just trying to get back to the basics of having a relationship with our Creator through prayer.  I lost it awhile back, and it's so easy to lose, and so HARD to get back.  Once you break that habit, it can be a slippery slope of sorts.