So tomorrow is one of the dreaded days. One of a few. But, one of a few I will be glad to get over with-- sooner rather than later. I get to sit through two ACT review courses at Mississippi College. From 9 a.m. until 3:30 p.m. Well, with an hour for lunch in between. Yes, just where I want to spend my Saturday. But, hey, I have to do what I have to do, right? Better to get it over with on a miserably cold winter day than a beautiful, warm spring day.

Anyway, enough of that. Here is what I really came here to blog about: Bush's farewell speech last night and his last few days in office. Well, I know that his "approval rating" is down, (where do they come up with those numbers anyway, I don't remember anyone asking for my approval or disapproval) but I think that eventually Bush will be remembered for the man that he truly is. No, I don't think President Bush is the most well-spoken man, nor do I think he always comes across as the most intelligent man, but I do think he's a whole lot smarter than people give him credit for. I think he has been the most HONEST and DECENT president that this country has had in a long time. I think he is a very Christian man and he's never been ashamed to admit that. He has always stood his ground that every decision he has made has been made through prayer. He's made it no secret that he reads his Bible everyday. He makes no apologies for who he is and things he's done. No, there were no weapons of mass destruction, but, I think he made decisions to go to war based on things that he knew more of than the American public did. He has been briefed everyday since 9/11 on the latest terror threats and things that are never made public. No, I don't like that we are at war. My brother is a Marine, and I don't like that he will eventually have to go overseas and more than likely, be a part of that war. But, ask any soldier and they will tell you that there is a reason we are over there. We have done a lot more good than what the media will let us believe. I have known several soldiers who have been deployed and not one has said that we should NOT be over there.

President Bush will be greatly missed by me and my family. I don't think any president will ever be perfect or make every decision according to how America thinks he (or she) should make those decisions. But, Bush has helped thousands upon thousands over the past eight years through faith based organizations and better education. I admire him for the person he doesn't apologize to be. I have great respect for him and I admire him for his standards and his walk with God. When interviewed recently he was asked how he felt about his approval rating. He just smiled and told the person interviewing him that his popularity is a lot less important than his conscience. He felt good about the decisions he made and he would rather have peace with his conscience rather than worry about leaving the White House with a certain popularity rating. I'm glad that we've had the privilege of having George W. Bush lead this country for the past eight years. We should all be proud of him.

My first class...

Well, I was overcome with nerves, but I went through with it: I went to my first class in eight years last night. I did fine all day, until about 3:30 when I started realizing it was getting close to time. Anyway, I got to class about 20 minutes early so I wouldn't have to walk into a class full of people. I sat towards the front and I noticed everyone around me already had their A&P books and lab manuals. I started worrying prematurely that I had missed some sort of memo that everyone else had obviously gotten. Well, fortunately I was one of the "smarter" people, because while all these other people had paid close to $200 just for their textbooks, and almost $100 for the lab manuals, our teacher told us about a website we could order from and it would only cost about $30 for a textbook. Boy, was I relieved.

So, as the night went on we had to take turns telling about ourselves (there's a whopping 26 of us) I started to realize I wasn't the only one afraid and intimidated. A lot of these people were close to my age with children and full-time jobs. Some hadn't been to school for a longer amount of time than me. Then there were several girls and a couple of boys fresh out of high school. Some knew what they wanted to do and others were just "playing the field" as one girl put it. It's an intimidating class for someone who hasn't been to school in years. As anyone who has ever had to take A&P before knows, there is a lot of memorization and studying involved. I'm going to do my best and try not to get overwhelmed.

In lab we dissected celery. Yes, celery. It was more of an exercise to test how we knew our planes and sections. Fortunately, dentistry has helped me a little with that. We had to memorize all that way back in dental assisting school, so some of it was starting to come back from the cobwebs of my brain. It was fun. If dissecting celery can be that fun.

We have a great teacher. And she's so cute. She has her hair cut in the same style mine was a few months ago and now I want to get mine cut again instead of growing it back out. She's also as big around as a beanpole. I can tell just from the way she carries herself that she is a runner. She also had on a runner's watch. Maybe she'll inspire me along the way. Who knows? Like I have time in my schedule for anything else.

So tonight I start Sociology. I have to drive all the way to Raymond for that one. I'm not sure I'll be doing that for long. I don't trust either of our cars late at night all the way on the other side of town. It's a long way from Florence. So, I might see about transferring to another class. But, so far so good. I have one night behind me and I'm feeling okay. A little overwhelmed, but okay.

So, I think it may turn out to where I like this Facebook thing. I think it has a lot of potential. So far I've been reunited with one of my long-lost childhood friends who now lives in Houston and several classmates from high school. My friend from Houston is actually coming to Jackson TODAY and wants us to get together. I haven't seen her or talked to her since '03. I'm really excited I may get to see her!

I never thought I'd become ONE OF THEM....

I've joined Facebook. Not quite sure why.... Seems there's a lot of hype about it. Kinda like MySpace. I guess it'll be fun once I get the hang of it.....

The cheeseburger of guilt....

So bribery comes back to haunt me. It all started when I decided to bribe Brennan with a Happy Meal from the wonderful place of the golden arches. I was bribing him because we were on our way to his first visit to the dentist. And not only that, but it's where I work, so I really wanted him to be on his best behavior (yeah, right). Well, for the most part his behavior passed the acceptable mark and then we were on our way to get a haircut for him. Again, more bribery. Well, my head was starting to hurt. (For real, that's not just mommy language for "I was getting really stressed out".) I was starving and my head was hurting, so at this point you could have waved anything in front of my face and I would've accepted it. I decided to go with the cheapest thing on the menu: a double cheeseburger meal. Complete with a Coke. Yikes. By the time we got home with it I felt famished. I mean, really, who can resist the smell of fries on the way home? I think I ate the cheeseburger in two bites. I didn't even read the nutrition label on the wrapper. It wouldn't have done me any good. I already know what it says: "If you're reading this, you shouldn't be eating it." After all, if it takes nine days to burn off one doughnut, how long do you suppose it takes to burn off one greasy double cheeseburger from McDonald's? Probably somewhere close to nine WEEKS. After my hunger was satisfied and I looked down at the empty wrapper with not a crumb left, only then did I realize what I had done. Double yikes. I felt ashamed and dirty. Put a scarlet letter on me. I deserve it. As hungry as I was, and as good as it tasted it wasn't worth the shame I felt. And you want to know the worst part? I still wanted something sweet to finish it off. Like, the chocolate chip cookies Chad bought the other night. They were sitting on the counter taunting me. I'm so ashamed.......

2009

Alright, Kayra. I'll take a turn now.....


1) What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Nursed a baby. (MY baby, of course.)

2) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I laugh at New Years resolutions. Does anyone ever keep them when they make them?!

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
I gave birth. So did about 10 other girls that attend church with me.

4) Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5) What countries did you visit?
None. I really wanted to go to Nicaragua, but was pregnant so I couldn't go.

6) What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A little more self-confidence and maybe a new car. :-)

7) What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 11-- I gave birth to my second son.

8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I enrolled in school.

9) What was your biggest failure?
No failures.

10) Did you suffer illness or injury?
Does morning sickness count as an illness?

11) What was the best thing you bought?
I didn't really buy anything remarkable in 2008.

12) Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Brennan's, when he didn't become overly jealous of the new addition.

13) Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Someone who was very, VERY one-sided about the election and will no longer speak to me anymore because she values her opinion so much more than friendship.

14) Where did most of your money go?
House note, student loans, and hospital/doctor bills.

15) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My pregnancy, and enrolling in school.

16) What song will always remind you of 2008?
Jingle Bells, because that is all Brennan has been singing since Thanksgiving, and will probably still be singing until Easter.

17) Compared to this time last year, are you:- happier or sadder? thinner or fatter? richer or poorer? Happier (MUCH), fatter (and WIDER), financially, the same, but richer in the things that truly count.

18) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise

19) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eat.

20) Did you fall in love in 2008?
over and over again

21) What was your favorite TV program?
Intervention, and The Office.

22) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. I may dislike some people, but I don't hate anyone.

23) What was the best book you read?
Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. Actually, I read several of her books this year, and they were all great.

24) What was your greatest musical discovery?
Kutless

25) What did you want and get?
a sweet little baby

26) What did you want and not get?
Chad's student loans payed off

27) What was your favorite film of this year?
Fireproof

28) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked, left for vacation after work. 27

29) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
What fashion concept?!!!

30) What kept you sane?
my husband

31) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
George Bush. Seriously.

32) What political issue stirred you the most?
People voting in the presidential election just because of race. And just the whole election in general.

33) Who did you miss?
I have everyone I need right here.

34) Who was the best new person you met?
I had this great nurse when I had Ethan named Shirley. She has totally inspired me. I wish I could tell her that.

35) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Don't take life too seriously. Everything ALWAYS works out in the end. Even if you can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel. God is bigger then EVERYTHING, even mistakes you've made along the way.

36) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“Suuunny days, sweeping the cloouuuds away..... OOOON MY WAY to where the air is SWEEEEEEET.....Cooome and play, everything is a-ok!......."

The elevator is broken....

It's done. I've done it. Don't ask me what I'm thinking right now. The only word and emotion I can come up with is SCARED. I applied for my FAFSA (student loans) and I have signed up to take four Saturday classes to get me prepared for the ACT, AND I've signed up to take the ACT. February 7. And that won't be the only day I will be taking it, I feel confident. If at all possible I will be taking it every month from February until September 30, which is the deadline to apply to nursing school for the January 2010 class. Just thinking about it right now my entire body breaks out into a sweat and my legs turn to jello. I think it doesn't help to know that I am putting us farther into student loan debt by doing this, and if something doesn't work out we'll just owe that much MORE money. I have the added pressure of dollar bill signs hanging over my head.

Yesterday I came across this really good quote. It says: "The elevator to success is broken. You must take the stairs. One step at a time." I thought that was very fitting for me. I get very overwhelmed thinking about everything that I am having to do to get something I really want in life. I question if it's really worth it. Is it going to be THAT rewarding when and IF I get through everything? Am I going to be disappointed in myself? I've never finished much in my life. Short of a high school diploma and a marathon, I don't have much else under my belt. I worry about raising two kids, paying bills, and going to school all at once. What if I get accepted into nursing school and I fail? What if.....?

I have to tell myself that I will never know what I'm capable of until I do it. Just jump in and take it one step, one day at a time. I don't think anything will take away the fear though. I haven't been a student in eight years. It's going to be a big adjustment, but I feel like I can do it. But the closer the first day of school gets, the more afraid I become. Am I doing the right thing?