I have decided that for whatever reason, God does not want me to ever get a good night's sleep as long as I live. After my usual tossing and turning and frequent bathroom trips I had dozed off once again to be awoken by a hysterical child at 4:30. Obviously Brennan had had a nightmare. Apparently this was his first experience with a bad dream, and it was my first experience trying to calm the hysterics of a child who had just had a nightmare. So, to calm him down and reassure him there was nothing flying around his room (this was part of his dream) I crawled into his bed and lay there until he was sound asleep. Since I knew there was no way I would be going back to sleep for the rest of the morning, my mind began to think about the wonderful yet trying moments of being a mom.
Earlier in the day yesterday I had attempted to make a grocery store trip with Brennan. I'm just going to say this: The grocery store trip lasted about 20 minutes before I had to put my few groceries back and leave the store with a child who had pushed me to my breaking point. Needless to say there were certain consequences when we arrived home with no groceries and a fuming, red hot, pregnant, hormonal mom. It was so bad I had to call MY mom for some sort of moral support and reassurance that I WILL make it through my son's childhood.
So as I lay next to Brennan watching him sleep I began to think about all the things that come with being a parent. When I called my mom about the grocery store incident, one thing she told me was no matter how bad it seems sometimes, there will be a day that you would give anything for these days when they are little and learning and pushing their boundaries. And I began thinking that one day, Brennan won't need me when he has a bad dream. It broke my heart to hear him cry and get so upset at something beyond my control. He didn't quite understand the concept of having a nightmare and why he had one. But, that led me to think that there will be many things in his life that will happen for no rhyme or reason. Things that will upset him and make him cry. Things no one can control. All I can do is be his mom and protect him while I can from all that I can. Part of me wants him to stay this age so that I can still protect him from most things. And I'm glad I have these moments, as trying as they sometimes are. Last night, after he awoke from his dream he needed his mom and I think a part of me needed him, too.
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2 comments:
wow, such a powerful blog, Mandy, thanks for sharing.
on to parental unsolicited advice. When Candace started having bad dreams, a friend told me to get a can of air freshener and tell her it would keep bad dreams and monsters away. So if she ever felt frightened, she could use it and keep the bad things away. (have I told you this already? forgive me if I have, my mind is gone). anyway, it works when they are that little. Of course, now she knows better, so I've had to change my technique.
bjohbYour mom is so very right - I would love to lay down with Reed and cuddle. There is nothing like it.
BTW, I have a letter waiting for me from Reed :). The most perfect mother's day present
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