This morning's email.....

I sent an email to almost everyone on my contact list this morning (read below) and after some encouraging words and good advice I did the unthinkable.....

So, as of 5 minutes ago I bit the bullet and applied to Hinds after talking to a couple of recruiters (one at the nursing school and one at the Rankin campus.) I thought I was hitting a roadblock already because when I talked to the recruiter at Rankin he thought I would have to have a little more math than what I was going to be ready for. So, I got really frustrated. Turns out that I don't even have to have College Algebra to get in the program. BUT, I will have to take my ACT over again because school was a joke to me ten years ago (I thought I would marry some rich Prince Charming who would whisk me away to his castle in the woods OR his mansion on the beach) and my math sub-score was a little bit lower than what they require to get into the nursing program. So, no big deal, right? I just take some ACT prep classes, take a deep breath and dive right in.....


THIS MORNING'S EMAIL:
I have a seemingly small, but somewhat complicated prayer request. I have been having somewhat of a mental battle. It sounds a little stupid, but I'm trying to decide on enrolling in school again. I have been battling with this for the past few years, but it's really been on my mind heavily the past few months. I know people go back to school all the time after being married and having kids, but I am so intimidated at the thought of opening another schoolbook and studying and homework and projects..... I have never been a good student and have hated school with a passion all my life. Of course now I feel like I would be a better student having learned a few life lessons along the way, and seeing just how hard it is to make it financially these days. That would certainly be my motivation-- finances.

I also get a little worried about student loans. We owe a small fortune (or in our case-- a HUGE fortune) to Mississippi College from Chad's time in school. I know it will be worth it in the long run, but I can't imagine owing another dime in school loans. What I want to go to school for, I know there are programs that would pay my loans for me if I sign a contract to work a certain place for a specific time, but then I would be signing onto a job that has the potential to be hated.

I really want to go to nursing school. Of course if I could go back and see into my future I would've aimed for dental school, but let's face it, I would be in school for the next 10 years of my life and owe 100 grand in student loans. I want to stay in the healthcare field because I love working with others. I certainly feel my spiritual gift is showing compassion for people who are in need and people who are hurting. I feel like God is leading me, but I'm not sure if it's His voice I'm hearing, or if it's me talking back to myself. This morning after waking up with Ethan at 4:45, I never fell back asleep because I felt like God was talking to me-- or I was having a conversation with myself. I prayed for a bit and now I'm asking for others to pray with me. I'm not one of these who can listen to a whisper from God like some can. God usually has to get my attention by taking something away or by changing something drastically in my life. I dont' want Him to use those means to get my attention this time, so I'm trying to "be still and listen".

I'm afraid NOT of being a nurse, but of being a terrible nursing student. Again, I'm a horrible student. I learn by hands-on and I think I'm a pretty intelligent person, MOST of the time. I'm just not good at focusing and paying attention to schoolbooks and lectures. I'm terrified of taking the first step and of being sure that this is what God wants me to do. Last year I did the unthinkable PHYSICALLY by training for a marathon and finishing a marathon. So if I can take that physical challenge, maybe it's time to exercise my brain and challenge myself mentally. When I was in the hospital with Ethan I had some GREAT nurses. I want to be a great caregiver to others. That is what got me really thinking hard again. So, I'm asking for everyone to add me to their daily prayer list. I need some help.