The Miller's Blog

No, I did not write this, but it was forwarded to me and I laughed out loud the whole way through because I live this!!!!


Dear Santa,
> I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children
on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my own doctor, sold
sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the
school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out -- over
several Christmases.
>
> Since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back
of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles; and who knows when I'll
find any more free time in the next 18 years, so now - -
>
> *** Here are my Christmas wishes ***
>
> * I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (-in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but
are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the
grocery store.
>
> * I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month
of my last pregnancy.
>
> * If you're hauling big-ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television
that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide
to talk on the phone.
>
> * On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes,
Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight
and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of
power tools.
>
> * I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, 'Don't eat in
the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice
seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard
by the dog.
>
> * If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury
of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
Styrofoam container.
>
> *If you don't mind, I could also use a few miracles to brighten the
holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a
vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
>
> *It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
crime family.
>
> Well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my feet under
the laundry room door. I think he wants his red crayon back. Have a safe
trip Santa, and remember to leave your wet boots by the door, and come in
and dry off, so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the
table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
> Yours always with love and appreciation,
> A Mom
> P.S. One more thing . . You can cancel all my requests, if you can keep
my children 'young' enough to believe in Santa.
>
>