The Miller's Blog

I try so hard not to get all emotional and sappy with my blogs, and keep it light- I know it bores people, but I really feel the need to share my heart. Just a few minutes ago I received a text message from someone in our church. A longtime member of our congregation was just given the news that they had cancer. Cancer in their bones and spine. The prognosis isn't known yet, but they have asked to be alone with their family this weekend. So, I'm pretty sure that's not a good sign. My heart is SO heavy.

What a devastating year this has been. In January, when I found out my identity had been stolen, I literally grieved for myself- as selfish as that was. I thought my world had been turned upside down and my life would never be the same again. In some ways that is true. But, compared to the other things I've experienced since then, I realize my problem is fixable. About 2 weeks (give or take a few days) after I found out about my identity theft, a friend I had recently gotten in touch with after not seeing him for a few years, found out his 3 month old had a malignant brain tumor. Wow. That totally blew me away. And broke my heart. And made me realize how selfish I was.

Two months later a childhood friend died suddenly in a car accident. Someone I had just seen for the first time in YEARS the day before she died. A wife. A mother. A daughter. A sister. A friend. So many lives touched by her.

Without dragging this out before my laptop battery dies, to sum it all up- I've been directly and indirectly affected by a total of 15 deaths this year. That doesn't include the people around me who are dealing with illnesses such as cancer or other things. I try to tell Chad all the time how good we have it. Whether I'm saying that for his sake or mine, it's so true.

I won't ever try and hide the fact that Chad and I live from paycheck to paycheck. We do. That's just the way it is. That's how we choose for it to be. Sure, I could go and find a job that pays double to triple what I'm making, and I had that previously. But, I am doing what's important to me. I'm taking care of my family. I'm watching my boys grow and learn and laugh. I am raising my children from 8 to 5 everyday instead of going out and earning a paycheck to buy "things". There are some days Chad and I wonder how we will buy groceries and pay our next bill. But, the bottom line is, we do. The money always "magically" appears and we buy our groceries and pay our bills, and even though there may be nothing left at the end of the week, we move on and do the best we can. I can look back one day and know that I had what was most important to me. My family.

Tomorrow, our lives could change in the blink of an eye. As morbid and depressing as it sounds, it's reality. I could lose my children. I could lose my husband. I could lose my parents. Or my family could lose me. Each moment should be cherished for what it is. My kids wear me out and drive me crazy, but I have those memories and so do they. What my life is now, I wouldn't change it for anything. But, this has been such a devastating year and my heart is grieving and heavy and hurting for so many. I feel like things are so unsteady and that could be God's way of getting my attention on certain matters of my life. It could also be a way of getting me on my knees and on my face seeking Him. One thing I have learned this year, above all else, is how powerful prayer is. I only wish I felt worthy enough to worship such an incredible God. But, I guess that's the beauty of Christ and what He did for us.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Hug your children and spouse a little tighter from now on. Kiss them. Tell them how much they mean to you. And if you say it with tears in your eyes, well, that doesn't make you the weaker sex.