Bad Mother of the year award

Well, Mama always said there would be days like this..... And today was a day like that. Let's just remember how much of a sense of humor God seems to have at times. I mean, a really, really big sense of humor. (That or I'd swear He was out to get me, and I know that God loves me too much to be against me.... RIGHT???)

For years all I wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom. Even in college, I just had it in my head that I would get married and have babies and stay home and be happy. I could always envision myself as this perfect little PTO mom who always had my act together, and always had a spotless house, and always had a rump roast or something fascinating in the oven when my husband (whoever that lucky man turned out to be) walked in the door. I also envisioned myself as June Cleaver (I know some of you already know that she is my role model and I kind of idolize her). But I pictured myself put together at the end of the day with my make-up on, a big smile on my face, my hair all shiny and pretty, and my kids sitting like little angels reading books to one another with their hair combed neatly and using manners in everything they do.

Um, okay. Fast forward to 2010. God gave me what I desired for sure. I've been a part-time job holder outside of the house for 3 years, and have been fortunate enough to stay home the rest of the week. God is sitting somewhere up there on his great big throne laughing uncontrollably right now. I really know he is. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my kids, I love being at home with them, and I wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world.... BUT, I am certainly far from being a show-stopping mother and I certainly won't win any awards for being a good mother (if they gave awards for that kind of thing.) I'm also lucky if I get a shower in the morning.... that only happens if my toddler allows me to do that on any given morning.

Just today for instance....The day started off good, then went bad, then went worse. (And by the way, I did not get to have my quiet time with God this morning, and I knew it would effect the outcome of the rest of my day.... not because he was punishing me for lack of prayer, but because I did not start out with the kind of peace that only prayer and quiet time can give me.)

A few things that happened today. JUST today. Actually, they all happened withing a 4 hour span starting this afternoon:

**** I heard some clinking going on in the kitchen, so I went to investigate, and my 17 month old was drinking water out of a spoon that he stole out of one of our kitchen cabinets, and was drinking the dog's water straight out of the dog's bowl. Pretty sure he was having a good time, too.

**** A few minutes later he had a play-doh toy and was digging through the trash using the toy as a certain shovel. He then licked it and apparently thought it was tasty enough to try and stick it back in there and do it again.

**** That sticky stuff in the dog's hair that is sometimes orange, sometimes yellow, or sometimes just sticky, yeah, well.... I'm pretty sure it's not hair gel for dogs. I'm pretty sure it's a combination of drool and snot.

**** My toddler has also discovered that he can squeal so loud and high-pitched that only dogs in the neighborhood can hear.

**** My toddler bullies my kindergartner. Brennan has such a soft heart and doesn't even like to squash bugs. Ethan on the other hand finds bug squashing quite hilarious. So today Ethan decided to whack Brennan with yet another big spoon he got his hands on, and repeatedly kept whacking him until Brennan came into the kitchen with tears in his eyes telling me to "PLEASE take that spoon away.... he's hurting me!"

**** Today we started Brennan's new art class. What I originally planned to be a five minute course of action getting the boys out to the van and ready to go, turned into a 20 minute ordeal, and I'm pretty sure there was a meltdown involved. (I'll just let you use your imagination on who might have had the meltdown.)

**** My toddler refuses to speak. While I'm a little concerned about this, I do think it's more him being spoiled than anything. When I didn't get his milk fast enough as we were leaving, he started talking in tongues. And it had nothing to do with being overcome with the Holy Spirit, although he certainly needs Jesus. I'm pretty sure there were some curse words and profanity used.... I just can't quite tell which words were said.

**** When I dropped Brennan off at his art class, he was the only child who couldn't stop running his mouth. Period. I finally just had to walk away and hope his teacher had lots of Valium stashed away....

**** Returning to my van, my fabulous, feisty toddler somehow set off the alarm to my van. No, not the panic button. The actual, working ALARM. I could tell you about 4 words in the English language I was saying throughout this ordeal, but I won't. Some fellow Baptists read my blog.... and by ordeal I mean, my van has a really weird alarm built in. REALLY weird. And it's almost impossible to turn off. Even when you crank the van with the key, then the engine just shuts off. So I pressed the panic button thinking it would shut off, but NO, it only got faster. And on top of this I was in front of several businesses in downtown Brandon and I'm panicking about my alarm not shutting off, and Ethan is screaming and crying to beat the band because it scared him. That was the point I could have used a Valium.

**** After that ordeal I said some things I shouldn't have (something like I'm ready to just leave the kids and drive off and never come back) that were stretching it. I was mad, I had a crying baby, my nerves were shot to hell, and I had not had a moment to calm down. Apparently my husband really believes things I tend to say in the heat of anger because I think he was ready to come find me himself and escort me home making sure I still had both of our offspring. (And yes, I later apologized for being dramatic.)

**** Every day I feel guilty when I sit down on the couch and just chill out. But then, I think about how even though I'm at home with my kids, I still work my tail off. Cleaning, reading books, playing farm (and NO, not farmVILLE on Facebook), cleaning more, reading more books, trying to feed my child lunch, cleaning again, well..... you get the point. I work. And I work. I have two jobs. One part-time and one full-time. I shouldn't feel guilty for watching one little rerun of "Frasier" or "Will and Grace". I need laughter too!!!!!!!