The Miller's Blog

So, today Brennan came home from school and told me that the same kid who's been bullying him for the past month, and one other boy who was Brennan's friend until he befriended the bully, went home on yellow today. (The goal is to make it home on GREEN. Yellow is the next step down.) He explained that "the bully" and his sidekick were pushing on Brennan and pushed him so hard he fell and they knocked him into a table and he hit his head.

Oh. Oh. Oh. I wanted, for a split second, to sink down to a 6 year old level and retaliate. It. Broke. My. Heart. Brennan is so tenderhearted that he cried. And yes, without him knowing-- I too cried. This is only the beginning. He is in first grade. I grew up in the 80's and 90's. Things were tough then. Now it's 2010. Somehow things have gotten even tougher. It's a scary world. My heart is on my sleeve for my babies. I pray fervently everyday for my boys, but that isn't always going to protect them from bad things and from what this world shows them.

I want to always be able to handle my kid's problems. I don't want them to live in dread of going to school because of other people. I want to make them realize SOMEHOW that life is more than meanness in kids and other people's actions and words. That there is life beyond the walls of the school. I want them to realize that the years spent in school are only a fraction of what the world is able to offer them.

I know, we have all been bullied- probably- at some point in our lives. I know I was. Thankfully, I lived through those years and made it into adulthood and now realize what a waste of time it was for me to worry about kids that I probably won't have any contact with in the future. Certain people reach their peak in high school. I can say that I was not one of those. I think I am just now getting to the great part of my life. I just want my kids to know that this world is more than a mean kid who has to get some sort of attention by bullying others.

I shed some tears today. Then I had to stop and pray. A few times. I even went outside for about 5 minutes this evening and laid out on Brennan's trampoline, looked up at the sky and had to be reminded that God is so much bigger than anything my babies ever have to face. I looked up and saw the vast evening sky and was reminded that God made that. And I see not even a fraction of the universe that He created.

So ultimately Chad and I told Brennan to pray for these 2 boys. Pray for them, and pray for himself. Pray that he would be able to handle the situation. Pray that those boys would grow out of whatever it is that causes them to be mean to my child. Prayer is all I can muster up right now. Parenthood doesn't come with any sort of instruction manual-- other than the Bible. It's tough. You don't think about these things in the excitement and anticipation of pregnancy and infancy. But, before you blink your babies become prey to this world. There comes a time they can't always have our protection......

God help me. And I mean that earnestly.