Kids....

Child-rearing: What a joke. I mean, why couldn't God have just attached an instruction manual to the umbilical cord. Better yet, when the inspired Word of God was written why couldn't there have been an inspired Word of God: Parent's edition, too?

I love being able to stay home with my kids and get hugs and kisses and pick up my child from school and being involved in school functions, but that's the FUN stuff. The other stuff is SO far from fun, that it just totally falls off the other end of the spectrum.

Going to the grocery store? Um, okay. That might as well be a 26.2 marathon for me. It takes mental preparation, physical determination and some serious endurance. Especially for a coupon clipper like me trying to pay attention in close detail to the prices of everything that goes in my buggy.

Me and Kroger? We have a love/hate relationship. I LOVE shopping at Kroger because they send GREAT coupons specific to what we buy. Some are even for free things here and there. but I HATE Kroger because they have those awful, disgusting shopping carts that look like race cars. When we pull up in the parking lot, Ethan starts hollering for "da cah!" Can I just get a witness as to how GROSS those things are? It almost makes me want to gag up my Xanax I have to take before going to the store. (Okay, that was a joke--- I don't take Xanax, but I WISH I did sometimes.) I have to hose the thing down with those Clorox wipes like nobody's business. And there are times that I actually will bathe Ethan when we get home from the grocery store because I am so grossed out over the germs. Take for instance last week..............

There is usually about a 30 minute time frame I have before Ethan goes into a complete meltdown, rebellious mode at the store. Then he becomes possessed by Satan and his accomplices and makes the rest of the grocery store trip a trip straight from hell. These buggies that look like race cars, are easy to escape from. They have buckles, but my son is too smart for those stupid things. If I stop for 30 seconds to look at something and check coupons my son has taken off down the aisle turning and laughing. So yes, I become that mother I talk about. By the time we left Kroger, I lost count after spanking #6. And I didn't care who saw me. I was waiting for the police and Child Protective Services to show up with handcuffs. Towards the end of the shopping trip, he had decided to hop out of the buggy, run in a circle and hop back in the buggy before I could grab hold of him to spank him. It was a game to him. And trust me, he was the ONLY one laughing and finding humor. At one point he even hopped out of the buggy and grabbed a bag of Cheetohs and sat back down in the buggy. As we were checking out, he reached over, grabbed a handful of candy bars from the check-out aisle and then threw his entire body down on the NASTY floor and had a complete meltdown when I took them from him and put them back on the shelf. We went through that 3 times while checking out.

The same night, Chad was not home so I had the kids to myself. As I was feeding them supper, we bowed our heads to say the blessing like we do every time we sit down to eat. I was kneeling beside Ethan's chair since I wasn't eating at that moment. As we bowed to pray, Ethan leaned over in my face (while my eyes were closed and I was talking to God) and with a mouth full of food he had already shoveled in, smack, smack, SMACKED in my face. Then as I finished praying and opened my eyes, he opened his mouth full of food and said "BLLLLAAAGGGHHHHH" and started laughing. Apparently there was something funny about showing off what was in his mouth. I almost lost it. When I spanked him and told him "NO!", he hit me back and pointed his finger at me and said something very jumbled, but angry.

Brennan is just now getting to where he is behaving 90% of the time. I am NOT a permissive parent, but Ethan is a handful AND in his terrible two's. Brennan has been so good at home and school, and I am so proud. He even got student of the week AGAIN this week-- the first student in his class to get student of the week twice. He uses his manners, he follows directions, and obeys us for the most part. I don't know what I'm going to do with Ethan. Spankings worked with Brennan, but they aren't working for Ethan. I think it's time to call Super Nanny. However, before I resort to that I am going to try timeout. Even if I have to sit there for 5 minutes to keep him from escaping. He doesn't like spankings, because every time I say, "Ethan, I'm going to spank", he grabs his rear and says, "NO! Ow, ow, ow" without me even touching him. But then he hits back. So, how do you discipline a child by spanking when you are trying to teach them that hitting is wrong? Ugh. I need a user's manual for a toddler.

And just a little FYI, I know I could probably do my grocery shopping in the evening after Chad gets home to watch the boys, but quite frankly, I'm too tired to even think straight by the end of the day.

Don't EVER EVER EVER say my kids won't act like them! You will eat your words and there isn't enough sugar to sweeten those words as you chew them ever so humbly.