Learning about Life.....

I knew over the last 6 months or so, that things were going too smooth for my family. WAY too smooth. I don't intend on making this blog post about me, because the events that have unfolded over the past couple of weeks haven't been directly centered around me. But they have been directly centered around people I love the most in life.

It's really hard to put my thoughts and emotions into words because it's a swarm of both. But I was brought to a place where some things I already knew about God and our relationship with Him were totally reinforced.

#1. I know that God brings us trials not to bring us down, but to lift us up. (This is giving credit to a dear friend who gave me words of encouragement when my family needed them.) God cannot use us if we are brought down and feel defeated. However, if we will allow Him, wait on Him, and earnestly seek His will in prayer and by turning our "listening ears" to Him, He will use it for HIS Glory and for His kingdom. He can't use us if it becomes a thorn in our side to which we don't acknowledge that God is allowing whatever that thorn may be.

I am a firm believer that God uses us most when we come to Him totally broken.

#2. A great group of girls and I have started doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore on David. It's called "David: Seeking a Heart Like His" (and if you are ever looking to do a small group, I HIGHLY recommend this). But just in what I read in my lesson today, it really hit home. It's amazing how God can use small things to speak to us when we need it the most.

I highlighted it in my book. As most of you who know anything about David, you know that he was anointed king as a teenager. But he did not take the throne for another 15 years. Meanwhile, he was on the run. On the run for his life. King Saul was very jealous over David and was out to take his life. As many times as God showed His presence in David's life (a.k.a. one example--- killing a giant with a slingshot and a pebble) David continued to seek refuge by running from village to village when he knew how intent Saul was on killing him. He couldn't just sit still and trust God. He began to take matters into his own hands. Here is what I highlighted:

God reminded David of His presence, but David continued to run frantically from village to village. Surely Samuel reminded David of God's plan when David fled to Ramah. God reminded David of His presence and provision through the priest of Nob.

God reminded David in another way. Is it coincidental that the only weapon in the city of Nob was Goliath's sword? Is it possible God was trying to remind David that he had overcome a greater enemy than Saul with God's help? None of these reminders seemed to help because David had forgotten to measure his obstacle against God rather than against his own strength, as he had Goliath.

Wow. What an amazing couple of paragraphs. And being in the middle of this Bible Study, I don't think, is a coincidence of some trials that my family has been in the midst of. Because while today's lesson spoke, other days have rang true also. Yet another way that God shows up and speaks when we need him to, if we will just listen. God is not a "coincidental" God. He is an INTENT God. Things happen ON PURPOSE, big or small, happy or sad.

#3. Forgiveness is a BITTER pill to swallow and Satan knows just how to bring up rage and anger towards the person that we need to forgive. I am still struggling with this. And once again, on Day 3 of the David lesson this week, I highlighted something important.

Our words can only treat the symptoms. Only God can heal the disease of uncontrolled emotions. We've probably been in Saul's place at one time or another. Something makes us furious, then someone tries to "talk some sense into us". We feel a little better and pledge to put our anger away forever. Then, here it comes again with the power of gale-force winds.

Yep. Once again, God speaking. It also came to me this morning that forgiveness and trying to deal with the forgiveness of someone who doesn't always deserve it, showed me the UGLY side of ME. It occurred to me just how hard I can be to forgive. How unlovable I can be, and how I struggle with some day to day things that some might think aren't forgivable. How all of us can really be ugly creatures on the inside. Yet, God is willing to forgive me over and over. He knows that I am a mess-up, but He sent His Son to cover up for my ugliness.

Now, that's not saying that I have entirely forgiven my family member for the things he's done. I am still struggling with that. Yet, I have been trying to be on my p's and q's over praying for him. Do you know HOW HARD it is to pray for someone you have so much anger towards?! It's the hardest thing ever. It's hard to pray and mean the words you say to God about trying to forgive and asking God to melt their hearts.

But I cannot serve God properly with anger and hatred burning in my heart. I have to let God quench that fire and move on the best way I know how. Then when this person shows up to disrupt our lives again, I will deal with it the best I know how. First by trying not to lash out, and second by trying to seek God's peace.

#4. I have a friend (and I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this in my blog-- I won't use her name) who has been struggling through a really big trial. She has had a VERY sick mother for months. She is my age. She has children, a husband, and a job. For months she has been trying to balance all of it. Before she headed into this trial, I believe she was struggling internally with some things. I don't know all of what she was struggling with, just that maybe she had some internal battles. Over the past few months, she has been worn down emotionally, physically, and mentally. Yet, God proved faithful to her. He equipped her with the strength to deal with things, the friends to be there for her, and just the right things at just the right time, each time she needed them. Just last night she posted something beautiful on Facebook. I think she moved a lot of people by her words and admitting that she has grown in Christ through her trials. This proves to those of us who need reaffirmation that God can use trials for HIS Glory, that He will give us what we need, when we need it. And even when we don't always get what we may THINK we need at that time, he sustains us through every moment.

#5. I sure love my mama and I hate when she is worn down and worn out. She has been through a lot and is steal dealing with a lot. But, she has been a pillar of strength for my grandfather and for us. She manages to hold herself together when I know all she wants to do most days lately is break down and lock herself in her room.

I hope that if any of you are dealing with some tough things, that you can place your priorities in order. That you can know that God is ready to lift the burdens off of your shoulders and ease the pain of what we call life.