Stealing my joy......

So, it's been an up and down kind of past few days. Last week was a good week. Things were going good, we were just sitting on top of the world soaking up our happiness, and we were feeling like we had all the things we needed. I was not smug about it. It was a very humble happiness. Lots of friends, lots of good news, lots of encouragement, lots of things were just going right. However, things usually last like that for a matter of days or weeks, sometimes months, before either the newness wears off, or disappointments start taking over.

Well, let's just say my day started off by getting the news that we now have to fork over $1,200 for a new hot water heater. I mean, really... Does anyone ever feel encouraged first thing on a Monday morning by getting GREAT news like that? Then my day just continued to disgust me. And I wasn't really disgusted with anyone or anything particular. I love my boss, my coworkers, and my patients, but I'm going to go all out and be honest here.... I just wasn't in the mood. Life was irritating me. I didn't feel like smiling, talking, or being sociable. Yet, 85% of my job is socializing.

I come home and do what I always do first thing, and that is check Brennan's binder. Well, what in tarnation do you expect I would find on a day like today? (Yes, I KNOW tarnation is not officially a word, but here in the deep south it seems to work.) I found a note from Brennan's teacher. Not only did his name get moved to yellow, (in case you are wondering yellow is not good) but he had to sit in time-out all during recess. Now, I know none of you knows his teacher, but this speaks volumes on to how out of control my child was acting. She puts up with A LOT! More than I EVER would. Of course, I just said I wouldn't put up with misbehavior, yet my child is the one sitting in time out. So instead of getting to help his daddy mow the lawn this evening (which actually equals fun for my child) Brennan had to sit inside and write sentences. The sentences read as follows: "I will listen to and obey my teachers." He threw a tantrum and squalled like a toddler, but we got our point across. At least for now. Tomorrow is a whole new day. No, actually it's a whole new adventure. I promise, I try to teach my child manners and behavior. I'm going to lose my religion before he graduates from elementary school.

Moving on. Well, I had a good crying spell tonight. And it makes me angry that I did. Which being angry makes me cry even MORE, which then in turn just irritates me beyond words. Crying and being mad is a vicious cycle. And really my crying spell had nothing to do with any of the formerly mentioned subjects. Sometimes people just really disappoint me. I go out of my way to try and help others and do what I need to do when it needs to be done, I try and do favors for my friends when they would appreciate it-- NOT necessarily BECAUSE I want them to return the favor-- but sometimes it is nice to think they WOULD return the favor when asked or needed. I just wear myself down doing for others. It's a spiritual gift, but sometimes it's a nuisance. I cannot tell you how many times I have been inconvenienced due to WANTING to help someone out and going out of my way to serve someone--be it with words, my time, or my money. And yes, 90% of the time, I do so without being asked. So is it really so bad to expect others to do the same? I guess it is. It's selfish of me and it's wrong of me. Not everyone has the same thought process I do.

Sometimes all it takes is a good cry. I know I have some "health" issues contributing to my waterworks and my desire to want to slap someone upside the head, but I'm just plain wore out and tired. And not the kind of tired that my nice, cozy bed will take care of. My attitude is tired. My joy is on vacation. My smile is starting to quiver, and my servant's heart is on a sort of sabbatical. Mrs. Sharon, you asked yesterday what have we allowed to steal our joy? Well, it's only Monday and I seem to have a list a mile long already..........